Corrupted Wishes game

[Ransac]

Granted! The Orgg and Nightstalkers are captured and beaten into submission and then forced to lurk the forums and be ready for whenever anybody posts. After 15 years of forced posting, they break out and butcher the first person they come across.... which happens to be you........ and then a meteor lands on all of you!


I wish for bagels!!!!!!!


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted, but you get them from the same place that my bagels came from, so they become moldy before you can eat them.

I wish that I weren't able to use things that actually happened to me as the basis for corrupting Ransac's wishes.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. You now use things that happened to Nightstalkers. After realizing all of the sick and twisted things he's been through, you kill yourself in humiliating fashion, via a butter knife and 16 tons of Jell-O.

I wish that randomness was rewarded with money.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. However, your brand of "randomness" is branded "pseudo-random" by "Random House" (the official authority on all things random). You are awarded with no money. Nightstalkers, on the other hand, finds himself rolling in dough--your entire supply of dough, and right before you were about to attempt a career as a baker. Oh well, at least you're not dead.

I wish I were not dead.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. You are involved in a BRUTAL and FATAL car accident in which you are the sole survivor..... so to speak. You are in a vegetative state and, while not dead, never going to regain consciousness. Your family refuses to take you off of life support and shot anyone that tries to convince them that it's not right to keep you alive. After 56.4 years in court, the court rules in favor of your family and decides to keep you alive forever, in the vegetative state.

I wish that everything was transparent.

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Everything is transparent, including your eyes, which no longer function. You are stabbed by a transparent knife.

I wish for a transparent knife.

 

[Ransac]

Granted You have misplaced your knife, however, and look feverishly for it. When you can't find it, you determine that it must be gone. You take a step and the knife impales your foot. Your scream in pain and reach to pull the knife out only to underestimate how far it impaled your foot. You accidentally cut your wrists and bleed slowly to death........... or you would've if a Meteor hadn't crushed you right before you would've bled to death.


I wish that Spiderman would draft Dwarven Pony with his next draft pick.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. Spiderman drafts Dwarven Pony. He equips it with Umezawa's Jitte and eliminates you in the first round of the tournament.

I wish for a copy of Umezawa's Jitte signed by BigBlue.

 

[orgg]

Granted!

Big Blue knows The American Language for the Blind, and signs for you "A_C_O_P_Y_O_F_U_M_E_Z_A_W_A_S_J_I_T_T_E"

I wish I knew how many people have tried eating Spam with a spoon because of a few of my posts on this board.

 

[DarthFerret]

Granted!

None of them have, but that is only because they all ignore your posts as useless drivel.

I wish that I had 4 copies of every magic card ever printed.

 

[Ransac]

Copies you open your closet door and four copies of every magic card ever printed magically appear..... and they fall on top of you. Interestingly, the edges of these cards have been sharpened. You are disembowled by the game you love.

I wish for cheese


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[BigBlue]

Your wish has been Granted... You open your refrigerator, hoping to find it well stocked with Brie, Roquefort, Cheddar, Gouda, Baby Swiss, Provolone or any type of cheese, but much like the Monty Python skit, there is no cheese to be found... Hmm, perplexed by this apparently foibled wish you sit at the table to pout. When you lay your head down, you inhale deeply a snootful of pepper and let out a hellacious sneeze - only to find your hands are not filled with mucous, but string cheese - your head is full of cheese! Head Cheese! Mice crawl out of their hiding places and begin to eat you voraciously...

I Wish my opponents would get mana floods just like me instead of useful spells like Jitte turn 2 or 3 every game...

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. This makes for some boring games where both players drop land for 15 turns in a row.

I wish I had no shoulders.

 

[DarthFerret]

Granted. The lack of shoulders causes all of your shirt to fall around your ankles. It also keeps your head lolling to the left side, causing you to never ever get a date!


I wish that I had a 9-5 desk job.

 

[BigBlue]

Granted... you are now a desk from 9pm to 5am. Your job is so boring that you quit after only 3 days. Your only source of excitement came when one of the bosses took advantage of an intern on you in the most bizarre menage a trois ever.

I wish I always had one wish.

 

[orgg]

Granted.

However, that one wish is to have one wish, and thus no other wishes ever are granted.

I wish I was watching Spamalot with Ransac right now.

 

[EricBess]

Granted. Unfotunately, Ransac's whole story about being away this weekend was just a cover to get away with his hot girlfriend for the week. He's so angry at you for pulling him into your wish that he never talks to you again.

I wish I knew what I was doing...

(hmm...aren't the consequences supposed to be negative...guess you'll have to pretend )

 

[turgy22]

Granted. You finally realize what you are doing... and at that moment it happens to be killing the entire population of an orphanage run by nuns. You are arrested and sent to trial, but your plea of insanity backfires when you fail a lie detector test when asked if you knew what you were doing. You're sentenced to death by electrocution, but the executioner clearly doesn't know what he's doing and zaps you with only 20 volts of electricity (as opposed to the recommended 20,000) causing your death to be prolonged over the span of thirty years as your brain very slowly fries to a crisp.

I wish I didn't have to come up with something else to wish for.

 

[BigBlue]

Granted - you never have to come up with anything else to wish for. This leads to a lonely life of solitude with nothing to look forward to each day as you don't have any wants or desires - you'd hoped you that would mean you'd have everything, however all you are left with is apathy and lethargy.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! You wish for more cheese. However, when the cheese flood comes to drown you, you realize that you only wished that wish because Ransac wanted more cheese. You curse the name of Ransac as you suffocate in cheesy goodness when a meteor lands on you.

I wish that I could wish upon a star


Ransac, cpa trash man