Corrupted Wishes game

[EricBess]

Easy...the other two teams are both 1-1-1. Now that I have revealed that to you, you suddenly realize that NO ONE CARES about ANYTHING that you care about. You contemplate suicide, but realize that it wouldn't matter anyone...only two people in the entire would would possibly notice you were gone, and they probably wouldn't even care...You spend the rest of your miserable existance sitting in a corner stairing at a wall...

I wish someone would go through and clean up this thread to make it family friendly

 

[Ransac]

Granted! This thread is deleted and an asteroid falls on you.

I wish I knew where the asteroids came from.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[orgg]

In the corner of your eye, you see a gigantic butt in the sky sorrounded by an oval of clouds. Out of it, an astroid falls fast and flamingly towards you.

I wish I could be The Killer Colonel Sanders for Halloween without being associated with the asses that are giving them out!

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. The first person to see you in your costume is some crazy old woman who doesn't even know about Colonel Sanders at all. She thinks you are coming to kill her (she is crazy) and pumps you so full of lead that no one else even recognizes the costume when they see your body, and therefore can not associate it with PETA.

I wish for hyperlinks.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! Your name and everything you type is now a hyperlink to www.gayasianmonkeys.com. You are thrilled with this (except that you hate it) and try to end this curse by crushing yourself in heavy machinery. You're successful, but you obviously die.

I wish for a cheese cannon


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[EricBess]

Granted...You glance back at orgg's last post and suddenly realize that all of these asteroids are made out of cheese. You also realize who it is who's nether regions orgg was referring to. It is your own (yes, I realize it was your eye, too, but don't get too picky or technical, okay!), and the fact that you are spewing cheese asteriods suddenly gives new meaning to the words "cosmic hemerroids". Unfortunately for you, an asteroid does not fall on you and you do not die.

I wish I could think of the ultimate wish for this thread

 

[Ransac]

Granted! You wake up in the middle of the night with a brilliant wish and realize that this could be the greatest wish ever. You rush out of bed to get to your computer when you house crack in two due to a tectonic shift. The side of the house with your computer is on one side and you are on the other. You determine "No matter, I'll find another computer somewhere else". At this point, Ransac's gigantic butt appears out of the clouds and shoots cheese asteroids at you, smothering you in a cheesy death.

I wish that the ultimate wish had included cheese in some fashion.

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

It did. It included it when the wish was granted: your butt-asteroids killed poor EricBess. Unfortunately for you, this means that you are still suffering from the consequences he detailed in his last post (cosmic hemorrhoids).

I wish people could spell "hemorrhoids."

 

[orgg]

Granted. Everyone now casts upon you the spell "hemorrhoids." Your anal fissures swell up to the size of Delewere.

I wish I had more room...

 

[Ransac]

Granted. Your room goes to year long construction to lengthen it. In the mean-time, you are forced to sleep in the toilet until it's done. You go through a year's worth of family half-awake at night relieving themselves onto you, not realizing that you're in the toilet. After it's all done, the room is only lengthened by a half an inch, but it's enough to confuse you and you get lost forever and die.

I wish there was a reason why there was no asteroid in my last wish grant?


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. The reason is that you forgot. You soon notice that you forget a lot of things. This is because you have progressive dementia.

I wish I could appreciate The Orgg's pun more than I do, being the butt of the joke and all.

 

[EricBess]

Nothing like really raw humor... Ouch, these puns are painful...

 

[Ransac]

Granted!!! you appreciate it so much that you don't see the truck heading straight towards you and get plowed by it.

I wish that people posting on this thread would stick to the scheme.

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. However...

...Oversoul has secretly replaced the meaning of the word "scheme" with "barrel 'o crabs." Now everyone who has posted on this thread is helplessly stuck to a giant barrel (full of crabs) by the power of Ransac's wish. The Nightstalkers are situated toward the top of the barrel and, with a little practice, are able to hit you repeatedly with their spittle.

I wish Ransac wouldn't wish such absurd things as glueing us to a barrel.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! Ransac instead wishes for cheese again..... which you drown in.


I wish for a massive cheese tidal wave to flood the planet and destroy all life on EARTH!!!!!!


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

This happens, but it's Velveeta cheese.

I wish for Oscar Wilde.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. You are crushed by a meteor and sent to hell. You are condemned to give a sponge bath to Oscar Wilde for eternity.

I wish for lack of world peace.

Ransac. cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. An anti-peace organization discovers that you have the potential to bring about world peace. They assassinate you, eliminating the threat of peace.

I wish for nuclear winter.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. Nuclear winter covers the earth, yet you are among the few that survive this catastrophe...... only to later experience NUCLEAR SUMMER!!!!! You melt to death...... very painfully.

I wish to die with dignity.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[orgg]

You are caught in your bedroom with Dignity. The person whom caught you is your wife, who was coming to show you her newly licenced handgun. She also brings a jealous streak a mile and a half wide. You die with Dignity.

I wish more people could get into this thread