Corrupted Wishes game

[Oversoul]

Anybody could (potentially) be hit by an asteroid. It's just the way things are now. The one detail that is different is that you have testicular cancer.

I wish the probability of me being hit by an asteroid would go up by 30%.

 

[Chaos Turtle]

The probability of you being hit by an asteroid has increased by 30%!
...
...
...
Nothing happens. You die of old age in 2098.

I wish I was the Ultimate Fighting Champion.

 

[Ransac]

You manage to beat the field and become the UFC champ. However, in you lose it in your first title defense........... to a twelve year old girl named sally. She's only 4'2, 70lbs. You lose in the second minute of the first round after the ref calls the match for brutality.


I wish that penguins lived in the North Hemisphere instead of the Southern Hemisphere


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[orgg]

YOu are nowe the Ultimage Fighting Champion the winar is you!

You live under constant attack, as everyone wants to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion. You crawl into a bottle the day a nine year old kid behind you yells "put up your dukes" before kicking you in the nads. You never fight again until the minority sherrif of the town you drift into needs help with a gang attempting to take over the town.

I wish I had the cash for four boxes of Monty Python's CCG

 

[orgg]

YOu are nowe the Ultimage Fighting Champion the winar is you!

You live under constant attack, as everyone wants to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion. You crawl into a bottle the day a nine year old kid behind you yells "put up your dukes" before kicking you in the nads. You never fight again until the minority sherrif of the town you drift into needs help with a gang attempting to take over the town.

I wish I had the cash for four boxes of Monty Python's CCG

EDIT: Now I wish I had gotten my message through before Ransac!

Granted! Penguins live in the NOrthern Hemosphere! However, global warming eventually causes them to live on an iceburg the size of one of the Florida keys, and most of them starve to death!

 

[Oversoul]

You wake up with a really bad hangover and four boxes of Monty Python's CCG. You are happy about it. Seven days later, Satan comes for your soul, as you traded it for the boxes while you were drunk. You burn in hell and decide that you were ripped off.

I wish no one would post at the same time as me, like happened with The orgg.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. No one does. Even more, no one EVER posts when you post anything, for everybody else in the world has died from an acute wide-spread case of Syphillis. And it smells. And you're too lazy to get rid of the smell. And then your balls fall off, for no reason.

I wish that everyone on the planet envied me, but not to the point where people hate me or hurt me (intentionally or accidentally).


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

You die a quick and painless death when the aliens first invade. The rest of us, who go through a living hell during the war envy you.

I wish for gamma rays.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. you are bombarded with gamma rays. You die a painful death from radiation poisoning while the people around you all gained super-powers.


I wish I could fly


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

You fly--off a cliff and are splattered on the rocks below.

I wish someone would clean up the mess.

 

[Ransac]

You sent to clean it up. You are given bad directions and also fall off the cliff. A passing dumptruck stops and cleans up both messes.

I wish that the entire Democratic Party would be beaten to death with bags of soap.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

They are beaten and beaten well. The soap was made from human bodyfat from you (this kills you, of course). So in a way, you beat them all to death.

I wish for solitude.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. A new video game called "Solitude" comes out and you buy a copy. While opening the package, several thousand gamers run to see a glance of this game and trample you to death.


I wish that casualplayers.org would name Ransac the king of all things excellent.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

We all band together and name you king of all things excellent. We also frame you for mass-murder. Some of us visit you in prison and laugh about how good of a gag it was, but you find nothing funny about your 20 consecutive life sentences.

I wish Ransac could see the humor in his 20 consecutive life sentences and have a good laugh about them.

 

[Ransac]

Ransac stabs Oversoul in the eye when he comes in for a visit. The prison guards think that he's trying to commit suicide and beat him to death in an effort to get him to not kill himself. Ransac laughs over this and decides that 20 consecutive life sentences would be worth it.

I wish that Playdoh was made of Cheesecloth


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Your wish is granted, and when lactose intolerant children die from eating playdoh, their mothers form a group called MAR (Mothers Against Ransac).

I wish I could join MAR.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. You're pregnant. 9 months later, you die while giving birth, but are accepted into MAR nonetheless.

I wish that the CPA Notables thread would go up soon


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

It does, but you aren't nominated for anything.

I wish for peace.

 

[Ransac]

The world explodes. No more wars, so it must be peace.

I wish for a small packet of trail mix to eat.

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Nuclear war begins. You survive somehow, but no one around you is alive and there is no food to be found. You stumble across a small packet of trail mix, which you eat. After you finish the trail mix, you can't find any more food, and die of starvation.

I wish for a much larger packet of trail mix than the one Ransac found.