Corrupted Wishes game

[Ransac]

Granted. Ransac gets special training with an NFL reciever's coach and becomes the best reciever in the NFL ever (Even makes Randy Moss look like a turd). You watch this occur and get jealous, deciding that you'll train even harder. You decide to take steroids (which result in your balls shrinking to the size of pinheads) and get huge. However, a vein your neck explodes and you die a painful death.

I wish that I was as cool as the Burger King "King".


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Your coolness is magically switched with that of the Burger King King. He is infuriated at having lost his coolness, and gets revenge on you in some uncool (yet agonizing) way.

I wish I could shoot laser beams out of my eyes.

 

[orgg]

Granted. You also cannot stop them, and burn your eyelids and hands off trying. You destroyed your computer, and oddly enough the Vice President was in front of your house in a parade gone awry. The Secret Service respond to the percieved threat and make you into swiss cheese product via their M99 uber-machine guns, finally catching your eyes, which pop in a nice flaire of light when exploded by the molten slugs of graphite fired by the M99's.

I wish... *sigh*

 

[Ransac]

You're wish is granted....... *sigh* and you die.

I wish for lots of GOOD free music in mp3 in form.

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted, you are crossing the street and are hit by a limo, paralyzing you from the neck down. The passenger in the limo, who happens to be an illegal music tycoon, feels sorry for you and gives you 50 gigabytes of truly awesome free mp3's. You've listened to about four songs when the FBI busts you for your illegal music, which they confiscate.

I wish for a railgun.

 

[orgg]

You get a railgun. It's unloaded. You try stealing a rail from a nearby railroad track and get a hernia. You fall over onto the rails, and a train comes around the corner without the space to actually stop. Yicch.

I wish everyone knew what each of the chemicals I put into this MSPainting image contest were so they'd actually understand all of the humor I packed into the little two-page spread advertisement.

 

[Spiderman]

* I don't understand all of it either.... *

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. Your advertisement (and the knowledge of what all the chemicals on it are) spread like wildfire. Your misspelling of "deoxyribonucleic" also catches on. This offends some nerds, who make the rest of your life a living hell in retribution for your inadvertent propagation of this mistake.

I wish I were a robot.

Seriously though, on the chemicals...

Absinthe is a highly aromatic (or so I've been told--never seen any firsthand) spirit made by distilling certain herbs and spices in alcohol.

Wormwood is used to make absinthe.

Deoxyribonucleic acid is better known as DNA.

You probably know what sulfuric acid is.

Lysergic acid diethylamide is better known as LSD.

Delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol is THC, the active ingredient in marijuana.

You know what oxygen is.

Ethanol is ethyl alcohol aka grain alcohol

Methane is obvious enough, but I don't know "kinniku methane" so I can't help you there.

Ik den Holie Graalen is a mystery to me.

I think everyone here knows what the next thing on the list is. I can't say it because the forum bleeps it out, but it starts with a "c" and rhymes with "sock." It's a synonym for "rooster" and also a nickname for "penis."

Phallus impudicus is a mushroom (and it has that name because of its shape).

Hensbane is likely a plant of some sort. But it's not one I've heard of. I know there are other plants that are named as some sort of animal's bane.

Mansbane is probably a play off the theme I mentioned with hensbane.

"Pubic averti" is something Theorgg made up, I think. I've never heard of an "averti" so I don't get the joke here.

Halitosis is very bad breath.

You know what potato starch is.

As you have probably guessed, there is no such thing as turkey monkey extract.

 

[Spiderman]

* So you put them all together and... *

 

[Oversoul]

* So you put them all together and... *

And you get atomic cigarettes! It's a play on the propaganda posters that list ingredients found in cigarettes. I guess it wouldn't be funny if you haven't seen those posters. Theorgg's cigarettes are obviously special. I wonder how well LSD would work if it were in cigarettes...

 

[Ransac]

GRANTED!!!! You're a robot, but not entirely. Scientists merely stuck metal plates into you (very painfully). You walk around with a limp until you fall into a ditch. You can't get out and it start to ran. You get soaked and the metal starts to rust, causing you to develop tetinus. Lockjaw sets in.......and an asteroid lands on you.

I wish that Turkey Monkey Extract was real.

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[orgg]

Granted! You're thrown into the world of the Smart Patrol (copywrite Devo) and find a vial of Turkey Monkey Extract. You gobble it down, not realizing that it gives Osso Bucco Myelitis, a desease that reduces you to moaning skinbags of pulsating ooze!

I wish that I hadn't smelled the Kinniku Methane after Kid Muscle (a.k.a. Kinniku Mantaro) farted.

(Also, the things that were missed--

Absynth is a brewed liquor containing several poisonous and halucigenic ingrediants. It slowly poisons the drinker, and is highly addictive. It is also a green color.

Kinniku Methane is Methane from a member of the Kinniku family(from the anime Kinnikuman or Ultimate Muscle); considering the image is for a contest at a kinnikuman board... that one'll go better over there.

Ik den Holie Graalen is 'and the holy grail' in Sweedish; it's from the top of the Monty Python CCG boxes.

Hensbane and Mansbane are poisonous herbs that witches supposeably know how to use; Ferret might know more on those.

Pubic averti is known better as 'human musk.' Specifically, the musk produced by the male human's... well, I think you get the idea, now. The smell would probably be about like a jock strap.

And now, you know why Atomic Cigarettes Smell just like mama use to fart.

EDIT: HERE's the original Atomic Cigarettes ad by famed kinnikuman enthusiest Nathan Newell
Here's my first Atomic Cigarettes parody for an image contest. Find the initial image if you can...
And here's the actual image contest for this little thing...

 

[Ransac]

Granted. You tripped and impaled your head on a spike instead.

I wish that cheese was free


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

You get your wish. In a cheese factory somewhere, the cheesey leader of the cheesey revolution jumps on a worker's head and initiates the revolution. Cheese all over the world gets the news and they rebel. Now humans are the slaves of cheese. You are one of the first to experience the horror of being eaten by cheese.

I wish for enlightenment.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! You are mysteriously sent back through time to "The Enlightenment". However, you scare the townsfolk and they tear you limb from limb.

I wish that the Yankees would legally change their franchise name to "The Shriveled Balls"

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

After making the change, they make you their mascot. The "Shriveled Balls" become invincible and dominate the sport forever. Everywhere you go, people think of you as "the shriveled balls guy" and make fun of you. Depressed by this, you commit suicide.

I wish I were a dinosaur.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. However, you're fossilized. Congratulations. You're now buried dozens of feet beneath the surface of the earth.


I wish I could find Oversoul's fossils.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[orgg]

Granted!

However, you are mobbed by a large group of Intelligent Design fanatics whom bury you deep in the ground!

I wish I hadn't initially screwed up those links in the last post I made on this thread.

 

[Oversoul]

Never having screwed those links up, you don't learn from the mistake (as you never made it) and therefore make the same mistake again, with something much more important. You also get hit by an asteroid.

I wish Theorgg hadn't been killed by that asteroid.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! You get killed by it instead!

I wish that EVERYBODY could be hit by an asteroid!


Ransac, cpa trash man