Corrupted Wishes game

[Oversoul]

Someone replies to the thread. This someone is Ereshkigal, goddess of death. She says that she has taken a liking to your soul and wants it, but will give you seven days to live before the gallas seize you and bring you to the underworld (obligatory speech about how much life in the underworld sucks, darkness, etc., dust is their bread, clay their meat, blah blah blah).

I wish I had been able to view that video Theorgg refers to.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! You watch the video. You agree that it's the greatest video ever and are excited! The computer believes this was a brilliant video and expresses it's joy....... by shattering its monitor glass and showering you with shards of sharp shrapnel. You slowly and painfully bleed to death.

I wish for KUMQUATS!!!!!!!!


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

You are waiting at a crosswalk when a kumquat truck collides with another truck. You are smacked by the kumquat truck and sent flying through the air. When you land, the kumquats burst from their container and crush you under hundreds of pounds of fruity goodness. When you are pronounced dead at the scene, the coroner exclaims, "What a cheesy way to die" but his joke doesn't make any sense, and so no one laughs.

I wish for a volcano.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. A miniature volcano erupts at your feet. This volcano spews about 3 inches into the air and then subsides. You scream about how much of a rip-off this is............ when the ground beneath you collapses, leaving you falling into the center of an underground volcano.


I wish to not be negatively affected by this wish.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[EricBess]

Granted...

Well, that was easy...In fact, as you are contemplating how easy that was, you aren't really paying attention to where you are going and walk out in the path of an oncoming bus...

Ouch, but at least it had nothing to do with your wish.

I wish everyone would stop making wishes

 

[Ransac]

Granted! However, once the wishes stop, you realize that there is something missing in your life. You realize that your wish of no more wishes was a horrible wish to make you that you must have them back. You stalk every one that has posted on this thread in an attempt to get them to post, but to no avail. You decide to set yourself on fire in an attempt to show your devotion to bringing back these wishes, in which you die a slow, burning, painful death....... and then an asteroid lands on you.

I wish that I would win the lottery 67,000 times in a row.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted. You buy 67,000 lottery tickets and use the same numbers on all of them. Your numbers turn out to be the winning numbers. And everyone else who bought tickets for this lottery picks the exact same numbers as you did. Your total winnings come out to much less than the cost of all your tickets. When you can't pay off the debt, loan sharks sell you into slavery. You discover that being a slave sucks.

I wish being a slave didn't suck.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! You're now a sex slave. You think that this won't be so bad, when you realize you're being sold to a large crowd of gay males. You come to the conclusion that "No, this isn't going to suck. This is (and I am apparently) going to BLOW".



I wish that I was the best at everything I wanted to be the best in.

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

A horrible plague leaves you disfigured and brain-damaged, but kills everyone else on the planet. Since you're still alive, you're better than them at everything, including the things you want to be the best at.

I wish for a slow and painful death.

 

[Ransac]

You are slapped in the face by a small girl. She then beats you up, takes your lunch money, and rectally rapes you. The next day, she does it again. Same the next. This happens continuously for years and each time, a little bit of you dies inside. As she gets older, she gets uglier and more fierce. You ask for her to end your life, to which she replies by shoving her bare fist up your rectum in public. No one comes to aid you in your time of need when she punches you so hard that you go comatose. She drags you back to the house and keeps you alive for 15 years, anally raping you every days until you die.

I wish that I would die a death that EVERYONE would be envious of.

Ransac cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

You are slapped in the face by a small girl. She then beats you up, takes your lunch money, and rectally rapes you. The next day, she does it again. Same the next. This happens continuously for years and each time, a little bit of you dies inside. As she gets older, she gets uglier and more fierce. You ask for her to end your life, to which she replies by shoving her bare fist up your rectum in public. No one comes to aid you in your time of need when she punches you so hard that you go comatose. She drags you back to the house and keeps you alive for 15 years, anally raping you every day until you die. Everyone else is suffering far worse tortures at the hands of the undead army I summoned on my return to earth, and they envy your comparably easy death.

I wish I wouldn't make this wish.

 

[Ransac]

Granted. You won't make it. You never get a chance to. Right before you make the wish, you are kidnapped by alien that wish to know the meaning of human existance. They seem to think that dissecting you will answer this. You are chopped into tiny pieces and, when they get all the information they can from you, are placed in a stew and served to the prince of Kwtharnphob. You give him diarrhea and he expunges you into the royal toilet.

I wish that I had happiness.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[evan d]

Wish granted! You do indeed get a happiness. It is however a grey happiness. You never have any ups or downs in your life. All that kept you going for those many years was your soma, which ran out yesterday, causing you to commit suicide.

I wish for some cardamine!

(can you geuss where thats from?)

 

[Oversoul]

You die, and someone puts cardamine flowers on your grave.

I wish for teeth.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! You grow random teeth all over your body. Every time you scratches yourself, you bite into your flesh. You eventually cut a major artery and bleed to death.

I wish that all of the Yankees would suffer career-ending knee injuries.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

The Yankees all suffer such injuries when they use their knees to bash your face in. Within a month, modern medicine creates artificial knees that allow the men to come back out of retirement. They can't seem to find a cure for thousands of consecutive knee strikes to the face though, which is too bad for you.

I wish I were asleep right now.

 

[Ransac]

You fall asleep. However, you fall asleep right at the instance that the TV calls at your name to call the station in the next 10 minutes to claim your million dollar prize. You also sleep through the stench of the toilets overflowing in you house. Last, and certainly not least, you sleep through an asteroid falling on you.

I wish that there weren't so many Yankees fans.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Fully 3/4 of the Yankees fans give up their passion for baseball in favor of a passion for knee-striking you in the face.

I wish for morphine.

 

[Ransac]

Morphine is injected in your arms and legs, but no where else. You can't move them while the doctors painfully and slowly remove your testicles for consumption.

I wish that you guys could've seen me actually do well playing football today

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Granted, the universe is warped heavily in order to make it so that you actually do well playing football today, and so that we are there to see it. However, this has serious side-effects and in the end we are all painfully obliterated by the end of the universe.

I wish Ransac would improve his football skills in some way that doesn't destroy the universe.