Corrupted Wishes game

[Mooseman]

Granted, the world stops it's revolution around the sun and it is always autumn in New Ken..... Everyone else in New Ken throws pumpkin seeds at your house until it is buried....

I wish that Television shows were all on the internet and available to everyone.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! However, this influx of information causes the internet to explode. Not crash. Explode. You are one of the first casualties.


I wish that I wasn't a casualty of this wish.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

You laugh at all the people who get their faces blown off by the exploding internet. You are completely unaffected by it. The families of the victims become enraged at your behavior and hang you by your ankles from the ceiling of the "Internet Explosion Casualties Memorial Center." You spend the rest of your life upside-down with frozen baby rats as your own means of sustenance.

I wish for frozen baby rats.

 

[Mooseman]

Granted, you find yourself hanging next to Ransac.

I wish the Sci-Fi channel would make good movies.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! Their next movie is one of Oversoul, myself, and yourself hanging from our ankles and eating frozen rats. It's a #1 hit.


I wish that the next season of "Ninja Warrior" would air, already!


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

It airs but you don't get to see it because you're still upside-down and being force fed frozen baby rats.

I wish plants would identify themselves for me.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! They are all man-eating plants that devour you as you hang upside-down eating frozen rats.

I wish that Mooseman and Myself were free from the hanging and that nothing bad would happen to us.... while Oversoul is devour by man-eating plants.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[DarthFerret]

Granted, and now you and Mooseman have no one left to play this game with, and the eating of the Oversoul has caused a world-wide internet failure. Nothing bad happens to you, and in the sheer boredom of it all you and mooseman sit and play tiddleywinks.

I wish that would have made more sense

 

[Ransac]

Granted! Mooseman and I love Tiddlywinks and have a blast throughout eternity! You, however, are forced to join the military out of boredom. You're stationed to guard the exposed, stinky remains of Marlon Brando's anus.... forever.

I wish that the Yankees would continue to lose


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

They continue to lose occasionally but always manage to win the world series--every year.

I wish they'd change the name "world series" to something more accurate.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! They change the name and premise of the game to "Two Professional Baseball Teams Take Turns Beating The Crap Out Of Oversoul."

I wish I could be on one of those teams


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Mooseman]

Granted, Ransac is named as a mandatory player on whatever NL team is playing the Yankees in the "Two Professional Baseball Teams Take Turns Beating The Crap Out Of Oversoul" annual event. But, you never get the chance to swing a bat.

I wish we had NFL games all year round, with every city getting 2 teams.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! The NFL becomes so watered down from the huge flood of less-than-talented players needed to man these teams that the league loses interest and closes down. After this, you are butchered and maimed by rabid ferrets.


I wish that I could control the rabid ferrets.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Mooseman]

Granted, you become the sidekick of DarthFerret and have to feed the rabid ferrets rancid earthworms.

I wish that rabid ferrets invaded Ransac's underpants.

 

[DarthFerret]

Granted, I use my powers of the Force to direct the Ferret into Ransacs underpants. However, I also use the Force to glamor you so that you appear as Ransac! Enjoy!

I wish that I did have command of the Force.

 

[Ransac]

Granted! Unfortunately, you're also allergic to the Force. You die within seconds of having command of the Force.

I wish for money

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Mooseman]

Granted, you win the multi-states lottery and after federal, and multi-state taxes, you have 2 quarters to rub together..... but they are Canadian quarters and you need a passport to spend them.

I wish one of my friends would hit the lottery so that I could retire.

 

[DarthFerret]

Granted, One of your friends hits the lottery.....machine. It falls over and onto your head, causing permanent brain damage and you are forced into a government subsidised early retierment that pays you $102.00 a month.

I wish for a secretary at work

 

[Melkor]

Granted and the secretary that they hire is so good that she (of course the Genie is sexist) quickly replaces all your functions at work leading you to be fired. She is also psychotic and kills you.

I wish batteries didn't use alkaline.

 

[Mooseman]

Granted..... well it has been for years.... not all batteries use alkaline, they are called non-alkaline batteries...

I wish I could sing, even opera, then I could form a group and call it "The Four Horseman of the Operalypse".