...
train:
If she says she has a boyfriend, "He's one lucky guy. Well, you were worth asking. It was nice to meet you." Smile and walk off...
Ok, so let me get this straight: you tell her she's "worth" it...and you just "walk off"? Wow - a
very worthy gesture to undertake, assuming that one had interest at all.
train:
The reason you say - "You were worth..." Is that it establishes you had a direct interest in her. It gives her a sense of value, beyond her outward appearance.
Yah. And I'm sure just walking off will emphasize this "direct interest" and..."sense of value."
Aku - let me be a little more honest: you don't have to lie to people to get them to like you, like what train seems to suggest - you don't need false flattery as "you were worth it," unless you know, for a fact, that she is worth it - truly worth it "beyond her outward appearance." But, if it is the outward sense of appearance that you are hungry for, then yes - that comment would establish a good link. You are, however, in want of a "serious" relationship - that comment, plus walking off would really make you a jerk, even if a jerk only to yourself. It's bad manners.
What you do is - you get to know her. You need not ask any direct question, but instead, be yourself - form an "indirect" type of relationship. For example, just this last semester I made a very nice friendship with a girl who did have a boyfriend. I never asked about her relationships, but
she revealed it as a part of a casual, friendly conversation. In fact, casual talks, and talks concerning ethics homework (I had her in my ethics class), we got to know each other very well - she knows what I am all about, she knows where I am from, where I went to school...and other little information. And contrariwise.
How to break the ice?
You can't. The ice "breaks itself." I mean, you are
at work with her right! - I am surprised that you still have "ice" between you: most workers are close anyway. I remember when I had my telemarketing job...I got to know pretty much most people within a week - and there were at least 30 people. I got 3 phone numbers, few emails, 2 hit-ons, and too many casual conversations to recall.
Do you not all complain about the job or the manager? Or...something? For example, not many adored the manager fully; some laughed at him underhandedly; sometimes I join in because it is what I feel as well, sometimes I leave myself out. And whenever I join in - we find something in common, over and beyond our nausea for the manager or whatever issue. Other doors open up, and slowly, we become more friendly and casual towards each other, as oppose to reserved, which, I believe is your case.
There was a war on Iraq, and before that, the war on Afghanistan - surely those are good ways to start a conversation: these things people talk about casually, and most don't really mind if another one would join in to offer his opinion.
Another thing: I find that most people I have known came on to me, and not contrariwise. I look like an American, but as soon as I talk, my accent as an Arabian really shows...some smile, some cringe, and some are interested enough to know all about the Arabian culture, Iraq, my personal views on this or that war, this or that president, and so on. It is very casual, and nothing personal. Although I seem very opinionated, with people in real life, I just smile when I disagree, and offer my point of view...since I know that most of these people I will not really see much of anyway - our relationship is
casual.
But you know, it is from this casual that you can ascend to a higher level of relationship, as to an intimate relationship, or even a good friendship. Walking off is never good, because you will still see her everyday you work: and how awkward would that be? Asking direct questions may lead to awkward situations both in the reply of the person and all moments after: that's why you don't ask them, but you, first, create a casual atmosphere and a casual relationship. If you don't have those, you will establish not much, or if any, only by pure luck.
By the time you are well submerged underneath a casual friendship, chances are, many information would have been revealed…as in whether the person is in any intimate relationship, if they are interested in you “that way,” and other little facts. With due time, too,
they might come on to you...which is what happened to me in my telemarketing job. Sadly, I don't need any relationships or anyone to keep my company...I like reservation.
I noticed they were hitting on me because they were, truly, lonely anyway. Instead of living this loneliness of theirs, they try to incapacitate me with their little worries and...little thoughts. I find that
all people who I "loved" or who have fallen "in love" with me are...no, not losers...but people who cannot stand on their own and by themselves: they cannot live alone and happily, and that I consider a negative, "put off," aspect of a living being.
There.
Still don't know how that started