Welcome to Killer Joe's Cafe

[Killer Joe]

ACK!!!!

*KJ is horrified to see Nighty-Night's cardboard carapase with a hole in it and him holding the kerosene and lighter...*

RUN!!!

...but first, How 'bout a cup-o-joe Nighty?

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac casts Frozen Solid on Nightstalkers.*

That should take care of that.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac walks by the cafe after several months. Apparently, he never locked it after his last shift 7 months ago and the bums have moved in.*

This won't do.


*Ransac casts Living Earth on the bums' pants, which are covered with enough dirt to constitute as land. The pants come to life and carry the frightened, yet oblivious, bums far away.*


Okay, that takes care of that. I wonder why KJ hasn't shown up, either. Oh well. ANYBODY WANT A CUP OF COFFEE ON ME??


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[rokapoke]

Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee to be poured on you.

 

[Ransac]

............WELL! The customer is always right.


*Ransac pours himself a scalding cup of coffee and proceeds to dump it over his head and body. Instantly, Ransac screams in pain and runs around the counter area, knocking over appliances, napkin dispensers, glasses, customers, and whatnot.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Mooseman]

Mooseman chooses this time to enter the cafe and fork the coffee dumping incendent onto rokapoke, who screams in pain and runs around the counter area, knocking over appliances, napkin dispensers, glasses, customers, and whatnot.

Suddenly a herd of paramilitary seals enter the cafe and take everyone hostage......

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac, still in scalding pain and flailing his arms around like crazy, manages to subdue five of the seals before they shoot him with tranquilizers.*

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

KJ walks in from a very long vacation only to find RANNY the Ransac goofing off on the job!

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac's pain is subsided by KJ's words.*

UNGRATEFUL...!!!!!!


*Ransac pulls a billy club from one of the seals and charges at KJ.*

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Nightstalkers]

With all said and done and a Nightstalker still hanging around to implore the employ of the forces of improbability, nothing could have foresaw the events that were about to unfold. With the tiniest of sounds an almost unfathomably small splinter creaked up from the floor in front of Ransac and, without much delay, tripped the mighty figure bellowing towards Joe. As he fell the billy club he was wielding slipped from his grasp and landed on the edge of a table, upturning it and propelling it's contents through the air. To much of Ransac's dismay one of these said objects happened to be an overripe bowl of cereal that had been left to molder some weeks ago and was simply forgotten about until now; anyways, with the sudden energy given to the bowl launched itself towards Ransac's face and was now careening towards him at an alarming rate.
It seems that the powers of improbability just weren't on his side.

 

[Ransac]

Oh..... poopie.

*The bowl of mold smacks Ransac right in the face. The seals, KJ, and everyone there points and laughs at Ransac. Defeated and dejected, Ransac retreats to the kitchen to make more cakes.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

"Arrrrrgh, now git up an git ta werk, this mess ain't cleanin' itself!"

 

[Ransac]

You're right, though I'm just the cook/chef. You better hire a janitor!


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

Capitol Corperate Building Superintendent needed, please apply with in; etheral experience helpful.

 

[Nightstalkers]

With Joe's previous statement still lingering in the air, a feral troupe of Orks deem his guttural tongue to be that of a squib and charge for Joe's establishment. The Nightstalker sitting next to the door simply looks up and says, "oh, visitors... how nice."

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac stares at KJ.*

If they ask for Death Pie, again, we're out of the ingredients.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

Well How do you do,....um,....er,.....Mr. Squib? You don't happen to like Death Pie do you? And, oh yes, cleaning toilet bowls is a must,...however you can accomplish that.

Don't call us Mr. Squib, Squibby, Squibbifone, Squibarino, Squibmeister, we'll call you.


















NOT!

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac has finished baking enough cakes to power a small factory for a week.*


We still need to discuss my back-payment.... it's in my contract to actually get paid, along with getting paid overtime if I happen to work more than 2 hours a week, taking breaks whenever I feel like it, having 25% ownership of the restaurant, filling some of the pies with inappropriate undergarments, and my own company limosine filled with boggle!!!, okay?


*Ransac begins to bake croissants.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

Sorry dude, but the IRS not only stole yer whole pay-check and back pay but they now want yer pants, too.

 

[Ransac]

Well, I need SOME kind of reimbursement for the past year, or else I'll go on strike from baking!!!!


Ransac, cpa trash man