The Death of Religion

M

Multani

Guest
This is my poem for English. I'm no poet, like ademis22, but any insight, and constructive critisism is greatly appreciated.

Moderators: Please close this thread by Nov. 8th as by then, this thread will be irrelevant.

The Death of Religion

They there's a heaven
far above the sky;
Angels dance and God resides.
And there's also a hell
where horrors lie;
Demons prance and Lucifer presides.

Many think God created the Earth
in six days.
They say he shaped with mirth
the land in many ways.

But the world sees no heaven or hell.
It says science and logic, empowers us all.

-John Dong

in response to
The Horrid Voice of Science

Comments, flames. Post 'em :D
 
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
It gets its point across.

I'm not an atheist (though I don't attend any "place of worship"), so I can't help you refine arguments.
I also try not to suggest changes to someone's poem unless that person asks me to do so in person; even then, I only help the person find ways to say what the person wants to say.

For me there is no ambiguity in this poem. In fact it is a little blunt IMHO.
That is the only thing I could say that is both constructive and objective (or fairly so). Take from it what you will.

(I only partially believe in the point of the poem, but trying to make you change your opinion would be a waste of time, and I see no point in doing so.)


What exactly is The Horrid Voice of Science?
 
T

terzarima

Guest
I think that refers to the logical thinking paradigm that is taken by many people today, one that's shifted from religion, like the poem states. Or maybe its an article and I'm a complete oink :)

I'm touched at your words Multani, and its a great poem!! Evan_mann might have a different say, but I'm convinced that its great!

I often find that poetry is a reflection of what we feel, is it true for you? Should we start a politically correct corner?

Great job.

Ademis22
 
M

Multani

Guest
is a poem. It's actually an old one I found in the a poetry anthology, and I found it insulting to my opinions, but yet, beautifully written, and very artistic. So, I decided to write a very similar poem in response to it.
Here's the Horrid Voice of Science.

The Horrid Voice of Science

"There's machinery in the
butterfly;
There's a mainspring to the
bee;
There's hydraulics to a daisy,
And contraptions to a tree.

"If we could see the birdie
That makes the chirping sound
With x-ray, scientific eyes,
We could see the wheels go round."

And I hope all men
Who think like this
Will soon lie
Underground.

-Vachel Lindsay

The two poems have similar structures, but utterly different messages.
Keep the comments coming, and Thanks!
:D
 
C

Cateran Emperor

Guest
I'd say that's some quality poetry there Mr. Tree, though of course you know I support the view of the second one ;)
 
E

EricBess

Guest
I don't think you can discount either viewpoint. Sure, there is an incredible amount of science in all living things. So what, someone had to put it there... Using religion to discount science and vice versa can never really work, can it?
 
T

terzarima

Guest
Not unless you factor Douglas adams into the equation :)

Like I said, its all about paradigm shifting. The second poem is different because its paradigm is different. Multani's poem is almost a prediction of the shift.

Kudos to you.
 
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
Well, I don't think The Horrid Voice of Science was saying that all science is inherently evil. I think it was expressing (although I agree that it was strongly expressing it) that people shouldn't think they know everything, merely because they "know" how nature works. The author probably wasn't a creationist, he (or is it she?) just disliked the supreme emphasis he felt some people must have placed on science.

Of course, maybe the fact that I also somewhat dislike that caused me to subconsciously interpret the poem differently... :) Whatever. I'm not about to get into an argument, so you can't make me.

ademis: Wasn't it Oolon Colluphid, in his three philosophical blockbusters, who posed that Babel fish theory? :)
 
M

Multani

Guest
Ademis- I don't really consider myself a poet. It's just that I saw this, and well, bam! ir just happened.

Actually, I perfer essays over poems...but someday, maybe I'll develop a true affinity for poetry.

Great thanks to all those reviews out there!
 
E

EricBess

Guest
I don't think it was Oolon that had the theory, but it might have been....

"Oh, that was easy," says man, "and goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing." - T.H.G.T.T.G.
 
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