Someone Post here or we will steal your room key and sell it on Ebay™

[Bob]

The Hill Giant collided with Timmy in midair, and then...

_________

"Ugh." groaned the author. "What a bad story." He crumpled up the paper and threw it away. He took a drink of his coffee, and moaned. He had been up all night. Moan. Groan. Grumble. The author took another sip and decided to continue with a new story instead of complaining.

_________

The story of Sam the Serra Angel.

One morning, a serra angel was carrying a boulder. He was told to carry it to the Palace of Serra. Yes, HE. A male serra angel. He hated being a male. The female angels treated him like nothing. But he had to take the boulder there for some reason. He didn't know why, and he didn't care. Suddenly, he saw a tiny furry squirrel flying nearby. Gasping in fear, he realized it was the ISE!
He tried to get away, but was too slow. e would have to drop the boulder to get away, which he did. He heard a loud thud and a scream, and looked down to see a human male crushed beneath the boulder. He laughed, and saw the ISE was gone. Flying down, he lifted the boulder up and revived the man. He man looked at him and thanked him. The male angel grabbed him and flew towards the palace. "Hey!" said the human. "I'm Gerrard! I'm going to go see my girlfriend, Hanna! she's purdy!" The angel mumbled. "My name's Sam. I'm an angel." Gerrard looked amazed. "Really?!?!?" Sam looked at him strangely. "Couldnt you tell that from my wings and holy powers?"
Gerrard simply said ".........WOW! YOUR AN ANGEL!"
Sam groaned. "Ugh.....Oh look, here's the palace, I'll take you to meet the Queen." sam took Gerrard to the Grand Queen of Serra Angels, Chesty La Roux (Points to someone who can guess what TV show that name is from).
Sam said "Here's the boulder, and this is a human I killed on accident. I brought him back to life. Maybe you should wipe his mind, your majesty."
"Thank you, Samuel." said Chesty. "I'll take the boulder. Now, What is your name, human?"
"Gerrard" said Gerrard. "Your purdy. You look like my girlfriend. OH YEAH! I have to see her in a few minutes! Could you let me go?"
"Gerrard, my face is up here." said Chesty. (Again, same TV show)
"Oopsies, heh." Gerrard looked up to her face.
Chesty was angry at him. "Who is your girlfriend?"
"Hanna of Tolaria."
Chesty looked at her schedule. "Oh, her? she's due to die soon, she'll become an angel."
Gerrard laughed like a hick.
"How annoying" said Chesty as she impled Gerrard on her blade. "Human trash. Dispose of him, Sam. I have a schedule for you. Get rid of this guy, and find the Infernal spawn of Evil, kill him. You may require the help of the Elvish Impersonator. Find him, and use my sword and his blue suede shoes to stop him..."
______

"Heh." said the author. "Strange. Well, I'll just continue"
______

"Oh yes," said Chesty "Find Timmy, Power Gamer and bring me his bone flute."

Sam nodded, and took Gerrard's corpse and flew off.

(Continue this story with wackiness, but dont change the plot. Keep it strange and funny, but dont go from the storyline.)

 

[Jigglypuff]

Timmy, Power Gamer was in trouble. The Phantasmal Mount had suddenly flown into a Silk Net carried by a Whip Vine, Tangling both horse and rider and sending them crashing into the Llanowar Wastes and into a deep Mudhole. Suddenly, a Ghost Ship appeared, captained by Ramirez dePietro! He rescued Timmy and the Phantasmal Mount from the Swamp and his crew rowed them to a Safe Haven buried deep within a Mountain.

Meanwhile...

Sam the Serra Angel was growing tired of carrying the corpse of Gerrard Capashen. Now that he was far away from the watchful eyes inside of Serra's Sanctum, he decided to drop the corpse into an Underground Sea. Finally free of his excessive burden, he felt that he could continue his pursuit of Timmy and the Infernal Spawn of Evil. However, he had no idea where he was going and his Mystic Compass was broken. He flew over the Islands and Plains of Tolaria. He explored the Death Pits of Rath and the Furnace of Rath. Finally, he happened upon the lair of Ramirez dePietro, where Timmy was resting from his ordeal. Pulling out his Sword of the Ages, he shouted a challenge to Timmy, "Timmy! I have come for you! Come with me peacefully and you will not be injured!"

"Nay, Sam! I will not go with you! Leviathan! Come to me!" Timmy shouted back as he drew a Runesword from the wall.

A loud crash was heard from outside as Leviathan appeared with a great Skeletal Ship in his mouth. He spit out the Ship and attempted to swallow Sam whole. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a Segovian Leviathan. Sam slayed the Leviathan with his sword and laughed. Timmy did an About Face just in time to see the crew of the Skeletal Ship rise from the ground, a whole crew of Drudge Skeletons, Restless Dead, and Kjeldoran Dead. Sam and Timmy both Panicked. They took off out of the Safe Haven and ran screaming for their lives. They began to Accelerate as they Frantically Searched for a way to escape. Suddenly, Ertai the Corrupted appeared in front of them.

"Stop! I can take you to safety, for a price." the cocky wizard explained to them.

"What do you wish of us, great Ertai?" they both asked.

"I wish you to bring me the head of Squee, Goblin Nabob! This Merchant Scroll will tell you the location of the little goblin bastard." Ertai cackled and Vanished into thin air.

(- Steve -)
That's 37 card titles. I rule!

 

[Thallid Ice Cream Man]

Sam and Timmy looked at the Merchant Scroll carefully... until they realized there was something wrong.
"This scroll is nothing more than a recipe for Shelkin Brownies!"
"That dirty Ertai! I shouldn't have trusted him.... How are we going to get out of here now?"
"Wait... maybe if we follow the directions we'll be fine."
"OK... 'Shelkin Brownies... Ingredients:'"
"Faster, we have to escape," Sam intoned.
"OK, OK... 'Twelve clean fingernails'.... where will we get those? My fingernails are all dirty from playing in the sandbox."
"Let me think," Sam calmly suggested, and he began to think...

 

[Jigglypuff]

I'm too lazy to try to use card titles this time, so...

"Aha!" Sam exclaimed. "I have a perfect way to get twelve clean fingernails!"

"Tell me," urged Timmy, wishing to hurry up and get back to his room and sleep.

"Sorry, you're not smart enough to understand it," Sam said to his little friend. With that, he winked and flew them off into the sunlight.

They arrived at a most spectacular place: The Krusty Krab! Sam and Timmy ran into the revered fast food joint and ran into Krab's office to steal the Krabby Patty! And unlike Plankton, they actually succeeded! Everyone in Bikini Bottom gasped with anguish and fear.

"How does this help us, dummy?!" screamed Timmy. He grabbed the patty from Sam's hand and threw it into the garbage can. Sam calmly retrieved the patty from the garbage and took it back to his secret lair above the ocean.

After 602 laborious hours of work, Sam was able to produce 12 perfectly clean fingernails. "How did you do it?" gasped Timmy in surprise.

"It was easy, once you know the secret." Sam replied. No matter how much Timmy begged and pleaded with him, he wouldn't say any more about it. Looking back at the list, Sam said, "Okay, now we need 20 Jigglypuff ears."

(- Steve -)
304.

 

[Bob]

O_O. That was Anyway, I know nothing about Spongebob Squarepants, but I'll try to continue this...
It'll be a long post...
_________________

"JIGGLYPUFF EARS? ARE YOU INSANE!?!?!?!?" screamed Timmy. "There's no effin' way I'm going to the Pokemon world next! That last place was weird enough!"

Sam cackled evilly, and tore off his face to reveal-THE INFERNAL SPAWN OF EVIL!

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" cried Timmy, cowering in fear. "What did you do to Sam?!?!?!?!?"

"None of your business." said I.S.E. "But I must ask you... Do you have any marshmallows for my cocoa?"

"Uhm...no."
____________

The ISE flew into PokeLand, waiting for Ertai.

"He was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago." said ISE, checking his watch.

Suddenly, Ertai appeared out of nowhere, and cackled madly.

"Excellent work giving them the map. Now that we have that cursed burger, we CAN RULE THE WORLD! MUA HA HA HA HAAA!" laughed ISE.

"Dude." said Ertai. "It's just a friggin' burger."

"True, True." said ISE.

Suddenly, a voice spoke. "Uh, guys. Heh, sorry to bother you, but would you mind explaining what happened with Sam, Timmy, and why the hell you are in PokeLand."

ISE smiled. "Do you have any marshmallows for my cocoa?"

"Sorry." said the voice.

Following the mess that followed, ISE chuckled, then did Ertai.

"I'm bored." said ISE.

"Why don't you tell everyone about Timmy and Sam?"

"Fine." said ISE. "You see, pitiful mortals, that I need this burger to generate a nuclear explosion that will destroy the Pokemon world. I kidnapped Sam secretly while the Leviathan and Skeletal Ship attacked. He is in PokeLand right now. When Timmy had no marshmallows, I decided to torture him. He's in the world of Magic, being tortured by goblins. Sam is being held hostage at a Pikachu convention here. I took the appearance of Sam and called Ertai to give us the Merchant Scroll with the recipe for Shelkin brownies. Then, I went to get "the 12 clean fingernails" by going to get that patty. I was just about to go to PokeLand to hold Timmy hostage with the Jigglypuffs, but I didnt want to have to do what i had to. He refused to go, now he's being poke and prodded. FWA HA HAAA!"

He turned to Ertai and gave him the patty. "Go find the Pokemon MoronMon. He will show you the great nuclear reactor that is charged by fish patties. Use the patty to overpower it and cause a meltdown, destroying the world of Pokemon! MUA HA HAAA"

"but thats not evil! Thats HELPING people! Everyone hates Pokemon!"

"Good point. Ok, forget the damn burger, just let the pokemon loose on the MTG world!"

"Much better..."

______________

Sam was in a cage, surrounded by little yellow rats. He had only one chance to save the world. Focusing his energy, he summoned a tiny white faerie. The faerie escaped the Pokemon convention and flew towards Serra's Sanctum.

_____________

Chesty La Roux was sitting in her room, looking out the window and waiting for Sam's return when a tiny faerie hit the glass. Chesty opened the window and the faerie fell in. "A faerie?" she said.
"HELP!" cried the faerie. "Sam is being held hostage by Pikachus!"
"NO!" cried Chesty. "I hate Pokemon!"

Chesty rallied the Serra Angels, both male and female to go attack the evil Pokemon.

The Angels flew towards Pokeland and saw a caged sam being taunted and shocked by yellow rats. Wielding their blades, they flew in, slaughtering the Pokemon left and right. "Chesty!" cried Sam in ecstacy. She let him free, and Sam took out his sword.
"Did you find the ISE?" asked Chesty.
"Yeah." said Sam. "He put me here. I dont know where he is now."

Suddenly, the angels heard an evil laugh.
"That must be him." said Chesty. The angels flew towards the laugh to see the ISE, Ertai, and millions of pokemon ready to teleport into the Magic world and take over.

"No!" said Chesty. "We have to stop them!"

"We'll need Timmy's help. Where is he?"

Sam saw a big sign that said "TIMMY IS IN THE WORLD OF MAGIC BEING TORTURED BY GOBLINS IN SHIV."

"Wow, that was convenient. Ok, Chesty, stay here with the angels and make sure ISE and Ertai dont unleash their Pokemon army. I'll find Timmy."

"Hey, I'm, a higher rank than you! I'm female! AND THE QUEEN! I boss you around, lowly male!"

"Shut Up and do what I say, Chesty!!!" yelled Sam and flew off.

"Ugh..." groaned Chesty.

_________________________________

WILL CHESTY LA ROUX AND THE ANGELS HOLD OFF TEH POKEMON INVASION?? WILL SAM FIND TIMMY IN TIME? WILL THE ELVISH IMPERSANATOR EVEN GET A PART IN THE STORY? WILL I STOP TALKING LIKE THIS?

Find out all this and more in the next installment of this crazy thing!

 

[Jigglypuff]

Suddenly, there was a large explosion and the sky seemed to open up above Chesty's head. The invasion had begun! Millions upon billions of Jigglypuffs began to pour through the opened portal in the sky. Before Chesty could move, they all began to sing in unison. Chesty tried to focus on getting her sword out of her scabbath, but all she could think about was how tired she was... and how nice the singing was... and how much she missed her warm bed....

------------------------

Meanwhile, in Shiv, Sam had arrived in the Goblin's lair where Timmy was being held. He was about to charge the Goblins singlehandedly when the Jigglypuff song reached Shiv. Everyone in Shiv closed their eyes and began to relax...

------------------------

The Elvish Impersonator was walking down the streets of Benalia when the Jigglypuff song entered his rather large ears. He immediately fell asleep. (Sorry, that was your only part in the story)

------------------------

The Jigglypuff song was reaching to all corners of the Magic world, including Benalia, Icatia, Sarpadia, Mercadia, Kjeld, Balduvia, Tolaria, Rath, Otaria, and even into Serra's Sanctum. Everyone was falling asleep by the truckloads, into a deep sleep that they... *yawn*, that they...

------------------------

5000000 years, 5 months, 18 days, 3 hours and 9 minutes later....

Chesty woke up with a start. The Jigglypuffs were gone. The last thing she remembered was watching as the Jigglypuffs came barreling out of the sky to put the entire Magic world to sleep. She looked around and realized that nothing had been changed in the extremely long time that she had been asleep. Except for...

(- Steve -)

 

[Bob]

Huge signs and banners saying things like

"ALL HAIL THE INFERNAL SPAWN OF EVIL!"

She looked up and saw a Serra's Sanctum wrecked, many angels were dead on the ground below it, covered with scratches and balls of fur.

She flew up to it, and saw two small demons floating near the exit. She pulled her sword out of the scabbard, and the demons did the same. She lunged at one, which darted out of the way. The demon stabbed her from behind. she sceamed, and swung her sword around, slicing a demon in half. The other demon lifted hisn sword to finish the already injured Chesty, as an arrow flew his back. He fell to the ground, dead. Chesty looked down to see...the Elvish Impersonator! (HA! Steve was wrong!)

He had a bow and quiver with him, as well as his powerful blue suede shoes.

Chesty floated the ground, and collapsed.

"Hey baby." said The Elvish Impersonator. One look at my shoes, and you'll feel better. Uh-huh."

She looked up, and saw that it was right! She felt much better!

"Do you know what happened the the world?" she asked the Elvish Impersonator.

"No, baby, but it sure don't look good. Uh-huh." He shook his head.

Chesty noticed a large chicken behind him.
"What's that?" she asked.

"Baby, that's a mesa chicken. I flew it here from Benalia."

"Why?"

"To save you baby, Uh-huh!"

"But how did you know what was going on?"

"..."

"..."

Suddenly, the narrator appeared "THERE ARE NO PLOTHOLES!" He threatened. (More points for who can guess what online comic that is from)

"Ok then" said Chesty.

"Cluck!" said the Mesa Chicken.

________________

Sam awoke in a large factory, seeing Timmy on the floor. He tried to wake Timmy, but he was dead. Sam shed a tear, and banished Timmy's body into another plane. He forgot that even though people like Elves and Angels were immortal, humans like Timmy werent.

He began to realize where he was. It was come kind of factory used for making..something...he wasnt sure what though. He saw a door, but it was locked. He easily kicked it down, and walked through... disturbing about 20 pikachus.

"AHHHHHH!!!"

"PIKA!"

A bazillion volts of electricity flew through Sam's body, but he didnt die, then he remembered: Pokemon dont kill things, they only are "knocked out". Magic characters kill things!

He laughed, and had a very fun time slaughtering the pikachus.

He wiped the blood off his armor, and saw that the gears had stopped moving. The pikachus must have been powering it! He climbed through the gears and kicked down another door. He saw he was in what had been Shiv, but it was different, all destroyed...

He looked up and saw Serra's sanctum was destroyed. He flew up, and saw it was twisted, and deformed, almost Phyrexianized. He could see all of the Magic world from here... including Chesty, a huge chicken, and some kind of elf in a white suit and blue shoes. He flew down and said "Hi!" whioch startled them.

"Oh!" said Chesty. "I missed you Sam!" She gave him a hug, and Sam smiled like a pervert.

"Woah, baby!" said the Elvish Impersonator. "Someone's comin' oh yeah!"

The angels, the huge chicken, and the Elvish Impersonator looked and saw it was some kind of Ornithopter, carrying a demon.

"Hey!" said Sam. He knocked the demon out of the thopter, holding hsi sword to it's throat. "What happened?"

"HEY!" cried the demon. "I thought yous was dead. I found you in the demon factory! I shouldnt killed ya then!"

"Yup." said Chesty. "Now tell us what happened!"

"The Infernal Spawn of Evil took over the world, because he had earplugs in his ears. He and Ertai use pokemon and the demons to rule. We killed all the angels, all the elves, and enslaved the humans! Killing innocent people is fu*HURK!*"

Sam laughed. "Oops, I cut his head off...hehe."

"So maybe we should overthrow the ISE or something." said Chesty.

"Yeah, whatever." said Sam.

The heroes stood there and waited for someone to continue the story.

 

[Jigglypuff]

Hey, we only have a couple more days left before the month is over and Nightstalkers posts this around the Internet so I think we should be heading for a conclusion.

Anyway...

The heroes stood there and waited and waited and waited and waited. Finally, Sam decided it was time to take action. He grabbed his sword from his sheath and flew off into the morning sun screaming, "Death to the ISE!" in an obnoxiously loud and annoying voice that could be heard all across the land, waking up everyone who was trying to get their beauty sleep. Chesty flew after him, sighing at Sam's recklessness.

The two angels flew all around the world of Magic, looking for any clues that would lead them to the final showdown with the ISE. However, everything looked fine with the world. Nothing out of the ordinary anywhere to be seen.

Suddenly, a raging torrent of water rose out of the sea and crashed into Sam and Chesty, sending them spiralling out of control and crashing them into the sea, where they were attacked by a dozen angel-eating sharks. Our two heroes fought bravely and managed to kill all but one, but that one surviving shark managed to swallow the exhausted angels whole.

Deep within the shark's belly, it was too dark to even move safely. "Let's light a match," Sam suggested, fumbling in his tunic for a matchbook that he had stolen from the inn, the very same inn where Timmy first appeared on the scene and started this entire mess. As he lit the match, the inside of the shark's belly became illuminated with a bright light, revealing the horrific contents inside:

POKEMON CARDS!!! AND SPELLFIRE CARDS!! AND WINDOWS-BASED COMPUTERS!!!

Chesty screamed in terror! Sam hid his eyes. They tried to run away from the horrific sights, but it surrounded them. Our heroes tried to push their way through the mess, but it went on endlessly. They just kept going and going and going. Just when they thought that they had reached the end, there was a loud scream and a figure came tumbling down, knocking Sam and Chesty down into the stomach again. The mysterious figure looked at them and said...

(- Steve -)

 

[train]

"Hi, I'm Richard Garfield. I'm glad to see that you're not those Poke-things... I don't know what WOTC was thinking when they mass-produced those things...
(Chesty stood silent, jaw gaping open and drooling like a dealer over a case of never opened Beta and AN packs, she couldn't believe this was the man responsible for everything she ever knew)
Got any ketchup? Nevermind we don't have time for that, remind me about that later.

Okay let's get out of here, follow me..."

Sam said, "Wait a minute, that's not the way out"

RG- "Sure it is, Let me explain: When I sold everything to WOTC there was one clause in the contract called the Creator's clause. Basically it says that since I am the original creator of M:TG and WOTC would have collapsed without me, I can do anything I want in any of their worlds of creation. I love to game, and being part of games makes them more fun for me. I consider what I'm doing now as LARP-ing. I simply choose a realm WOTC has created and LARP. So Now that I'm ready to leave, I'm going to walk to the back of this shark, invoke my clause and he will suddenly stop having a hind-quarters, and we'll be free... You're welcome to come over for a game of Netrunner if you like..."

Sam and Chesty watched as their creator invoked his clause and they walked into the WOTC game center.

At first they were terrified, as there was a thick smell in the air, but they soon were enjoying the light-headed feeling and hallucinations that followed.

RG - "Don't worry about that smell, it's part of the creative process, and sometimes the reason Standard cards have to be banned. You all are free to relax and stay here or go back to your realm."
Sam - "Forget all that flying and fighting, I'm going to lay here and enjoy this feeling. Let's ask not to be re-printed"
Timmy - "I don't think they'll re-print me anyway. You know, I bet this is how Orgg and Kezzerdrix made it into television. We could be stars doing commercials and laying around the rest of the time. Thanks G-man, I mean uh, Mr. Garfiled."
RG - "No problem guys, I'm going to go watch WOTC thrive on my creation now... I'll probably see you all at Origins, take care."
Chesty - "What about the ketchup?"
RG - "Oh, it's just a prop for Vampire LARP, I'll get some later... Bye."

 

[Jigglypuff]

Well, it's been fun to watch this story unfold before our very eyes. Forgive me for sounding arrogant, but I started off the story and I'm going to finish it off. And now, prepare yourself for the final chapter of the CPA Magic: the Gathering Story! ::dramatic chord::

Sam and Chesty (not Timmy!) looked around the WOTC Game Center with awe and wonder. Chesty began to steal as many pictures of herself as she could carry. Sam just sat around dazed at all of the games surrounding him. Suddenly, the cute cashier behind the counter stripped off her costume, revealing herself to be the Infernal Spawn of Evil! Sam and Chesty tried to draw their swords, but they were gone! Richard had stolen them! The ISE wasted no time in trapping the two angels within a marshmallow. Just as he was about to drop them in the scalding hot cup of coffee, Gerrard, Hanna, Volrath, Tahngarth, and the Elvish Impersonator appeared at the doorway. Unfortunately for them, the ISE trapped them in marshmallows as well. With the great heroes of the world trapped, the ISE went around and trapped everyone in the world in his giant marshmallows and lived his life as the supreme ruler of the Magic world.

THE END.

(- Steve -)

 

[train]

Don't ask where I got Timmy, I could only see half the screen through the thick haze of my special smokes...

Sorry bout that!!! I'll edit the post.

 

[Jigglypuff]

That's okay, train. I wrote the whole final chapter with Timmy instead of Chesty until I realized the mistake. I hope people like this story. I really do.

(- Steve -)
I have the last posts in all 4 Magic Related forums again.

 

[Bob]

Noo!!

Jigglypuff, how could you have Pokemon defeat Magic!?!?! You heretic! You heathen! You monster!

 

[train]

Hey, I just had them all smoking the jane in WOTC headquarters, I call it headquarters, because there is a plot to rule the world going on..., I don't know what Puff was smoking?