Crapstorm: A New Game: Because... Why Not?

[Oversoul]

None of these seems particularly more pressing than any of the others.

It wounds my sole to think of the hardship of those poor, humble craftsmen. They are a shoe-in for the next party to receive our assistance. With our new equipment, perhaps we can cobble together some defense for this tree so that the elves can remain firmly rooted in their ancestral homeland. Until the attackers are forced to leaf, the elves will only be able to produce shoddy workmanship. Let us find these attackers and give them the boot.

 

[rokapoke]

"That was completely punnecessary."

 

[turgy22]

The rapid-fire mobile pun turret begins blasting randomly around the room. Everyone manages to duck out of harm’s way until the firing ceases.

“Whoa!” says Anon. “Save that for the bad guys. Give me a chance to tell you about the situation with the Cobbler Elves so I can get you out of here before you help kill us all.

“The Cobbler Elves live in a tree deep in the Backwoods. Most people call it the Ugly Tree because it’s a really ugly tree, but the Cobbler Elves call it home. You can get there one of three ways. Take the road from the Safeway to get on to Route Two. The shortest way from there is to go east by northeast straight through the Backwoods for about 11.7 miles. Alternatively, you can travel northeast up Route Two for about 4 miles, then go due east through the Backwoods for 8 miles. Or, if you want to stay on a paved road for as long as possible, travel northeast on Route Two until you reach the Queens Gate. Then turn 90 degrees to your right and travel southeast through the Backwoods for about 5.3 miles. That’s probably the fastest way to go.

“Once you reach the Ugly Tree, I’m sure one of the Elves will be happy to direct you to the task at hand. Also, be very wary in the Backwoods. The people that inhabit that area are extremely dangerous and the fauna aren’t always what they appear to be. You’ll need to keep on guard.”

Maj. Changes returns from the bathroom. He looks proudly at the gathered party and announces that he is now debriefed. Then he smiles creepily at everyone.

“One last thing I forgot to mention before: we need to change the title of this thread. It’s inappropriate. Obviously, whoever started it,” he glares at Anon, “didn’t consider that those of us charged with monitoring the situation might be put in a compromising position when having an open program titled ‘Crapstorm’ at their place of employment. So I present to you four acceptable options for what the next thread will be titled:
Linux Troubleshooting Storm
Tech Support Forum Storm
Components Online Storm
Mozilla Firefox Start Page Storm
If no one has a preference, then I will choose. But a choice must be made, for subtlety is necessary if this world is to continue existing.”

 

[Oversoul]

Oh! Sorry about that...

Do you mean that Sophia now has a disincentive to use puns in most situations?

That would appear to be the case, Ward.

Ward hugs Anon.

Thank you, sir. I have misjudged you.

I like "Linux Troubleshooting Storm." I've always wished I was cool enough to use Linux.

Traveling through the Backwoods might give us some hint as to the sort of trouble that we must subjugate. However, it would be imprudent to tax ourselves overmuch before we arrive. Going northeast and then traversing the Backwoods for eight miles seems a reasonable compromise.

 

[turgy22]

"Linux Troubleshooting Storm it is!" Maj. Changes hops out the front door and begins changing the sign on the storefront that reads "Crapstorm Safeway" to "Linux Troubleshooting Storm Safeway."

"Very well," says Anon. "I have two more things to give you. We'll meet again in the new thread." He then begins scribbling furiously on an index card.