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"Scrubs Corner": This article doesn't have a point
By Shawn J. Houtsinger
1."Houts, ummmmm...I read your last article.."
-"Sorry to hear..."
"Yeah, well, umm...it didn't have a point."
-"Yep, that is right, your catching on."

2. "Most articles have a point, it should be concise, have clarity, and also have a good flow. A main thesis, shouldn't it?"
-"Should they? I mean, did you enjoy it reading it? Did it leave you confused?"
"Well, no. However, it just ended abruptly."
-"Did you want me to walk into the sunset? Should I have included a conclusion, or should that be left for english papers?"

Writing is a style. It is a special flavor you like and stick to.

Not

Everyone writes

in a format that

you'd get used to...and yet, still, they flock to read...

Then there are people you couldn't get me to read. Just painful-just my opinion-but it seems like going to the dentist. Just my opinion of course....

Some like Stephen King, while others will go for Dean Koontz.

However, there are some rules to follow.

Don't bash people in articles or in person. I just don't know where to start with this one. Maybe you'd have to know this person and see how he acts, but this article, and forums, have a great way of showing your 'true colors'.

Barn. Barney. Barnacle. Yeah, thanks Blinkey, I am sooo glad we have this word bouncing out of every mtg player who thinks he is good.

I present to you.....

How (NOT) to write your first Pro Tour Article!: By-Gadiel Szleifer
------------------------------------------------

[Get your secret sarcasm decoder ready]

"He scooped after I told him to read Food Chain. Thanks, barn."

1. Always present yourself as humbly as possibly. Because we all know JSS's are much harder than the PTQ train. And a young, talented, and obviously smart player, such as Gadiel, knows that his competition (idiots) are the by products of his talent and sucess, so obviously he would be prepared to play among the best....right?

"When I got my email from Wizards telling me that I had qualified for Pro Tour: New Orleans on rating, I had a decision to make. If I tried my hand at the Pro Tour, I'd be throwing away two more years of Free Money Championships - most people call them the JSS champs, but I prefer Free Money. I won't lie; playing eight rounds against idiots and getting $1,000 to show for it is nice, but it was getting pretty boring. Since many of my friends were also qualified, I chose to go to New Orleans and play for the glory"

"Niels Jensen was a very bitter man. Granted, its not fun losing to random fourteen-year-old in a Pro Tour, but he was still 2-1 and with his deck choice that is a great accomplishment in my opinion."

-Nah, he was bitter because he lost to an arrogant and unappreciative random fourteen-year-old...

2. Use words that will make you fit into the MTG community, and be held high above others with your colorful banters and insults. Don't stop at: "I questioned his play...", or "I disagreed with what he might have done, and I talked to him afterwards".

Nope. Use: "Nub", "Lucksack", "Hull, "Stain", or even the ever so popular "Barn".

I mean, T8'ing a Grand Prix is considered lucksack over winning a JSS, and beating down 'idiots' on the JSS scene-right?

A: "Here's where it started to go downhill. This master got here by top 8'ing Grand Prix: Atlanta, so I knew I was in for a battle with a lucksack. And lucksack he was..."

B: "This was one of Kai's barns, and they chatted a bit before the match. This only matters because I think Kai told him what I was playing"

3. Analyze and criticize teams and players who are better than you. They don't know what is good, and will need that 'special' help a kid from the midwest can provide. Make bold statements instead of investigating (read forum) or asking about their 'tech'. Presume you know what is best. Playes such as Craig Krempels must be horrible players..

A. "I knew he was running the CMU Tinker deck, and I know it sounds like a bold statement, but in my opinion there are a lot of things wrong with that deck. I am not saying my build is prefect by any means, but there are just as many things I think should be changed in theirs"

B. "For some reason though, he passes the turn (thanks barn!) "-Round 15 vs. Craig Krempels - CMU Tinker

"This may seem kind of random, but I think this is as good a time as ever to publicly congratulate Brant Faulkner for playing a land when he had no library and Horn Of Greed was in play."

-Ahhhh, I love this. Hey-I am curious. Do you, Gadiel, feel the need to belittle others to make yourself better?

We should thanks Gadiel for taking time out and writing this report. It's been a while since I have read such glamourous reports...

Remember www.thedojo.com? Ah, yeah, when writing was quality, and reports considered gold. You'd wait the night before your tournament in hopes that someone had written a report on how they did, and you could see their results. From there you'd build your deck, and know what was being played.

I can honestly say that I enjoyed having that 'private' information at your hands. However, with the flourish of multiple websites, and MTG growing, the knowledge (or 'information age') has grown. It's not a bad thing at all-players are getting better and faster. The line between bad and good, I believe, is diminishing.
It is a great thing, but I am still miss those days, and the writers

But what do I know? My articles have no points.

Shawn J. Houtsinger

The one and only,

HOUTS

houts000@hotmail.com

Read More Articles by Shawn J. Houtsinger!

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