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The Orgg's Treatese on: The Odd Pre-Release
By Jensen Bohren
Aaah, yes. Another Pre-Release has appeared on the horizon! My day starts off at six-o-clock in the morn, with not a stitch of music playing from my juke/boom box, whatever you want to call it, because was DOWN last night, and I need to PICK UP A FRIEND OF MINE TO GO TO THE TOURNEY!!...

aah. alright, calm down... The only music I hear this day is a startling rendition of the Goblin Polka Band from Micropose's excellent conversion of Magic: The Gathering. In other words, my computer's start-up music plays to awaken me. EVERYBODY POLKA! DATADATA data data dat dat dat! I get the directions to Hunter(a.k.a. The Mighty Midget)'s place, and place a call to say that I (and my mother, due to a lack of license on my part) are coming to pick 'em up.

If everything goes according to schedule, we will be there at 7:30 in the morning, thirty minutes after the advertised beginning time, but fifteen minutes before they actually start. Thanks to some very excellent road work that took the sign posts down off of the street at an inopportune intersection, the mighty midget and I get to the tournament at 8:10, and are forced into the second flight! OH THE HORRORS! I've NEVER been the second flight! NOOOOooooOooooOOOooooo! Oh well... We sign up and register our decks, and that's the last I see of The Mighty Midget for quite a while.

While waiting for everything to be announced, I see my playgroup is in the first flight. BUGGER! Oh well... And RANSAC's with 'em! He's gotten a bit of a 5-O'clock shadow on him now, and it looks pretty good. My 5-0'clock shadow morphed into a 12:00 Noon shadow quite some time ago, at least assuming the person was wearing a sombraro during the 12:00 time period.

They pass out the decks and all of us register what stuff we get. Nothing impressive in my packs, to be sure. After the registration is finished, before the decks are reassigned, all of us get passed a Magic Championships Turf Flavored chocolate bar. YUM! Tastes like either Vanilla bean added, or mint added. I perchase another one for 50¢ and devour it down. It was better than actual grass-engorged chocolate, I'd assume.

Decks are re-passed out, and I hear one "Wooo-Hooo!" from the twenty people who get their decks back. Congrats, whomever said that, as most people don't want their decks back. One guy sitting next to me stated that he had received his decks back in all three PRs he attended. I guess what goes around comes around-- or something...

Here's the selection I received back.

6 of Swamp, Forest, Plains.
7 of Island, with one foil(BUGGER! I HATE FOILS!)
5 of Mountain(DOUBLE BUGGER!)
1 Bog Wreckage(hmm... don't think so...)
1 Centaur Garden(smells like semi-broken.. Threshold? Nevermind...)
1 Seafloor Debris(ditto on Wreckage)

1 Skycloud Egg(If your playing one of the colors the cantrip filters provides, I say play it. It helps you get threshold without being a nuisance by clogging up your deck-- you get that card right back!)

1 Sarcatog(To say it in print: ATOOOG!)

1 Life Burst(Now if I had two or three... WOW!)
1 Ray of Distortion(HUH? why does this cost FOUR? and then SIX?? why not three then four?? Next PR we'll get a complementary crack rock instead of chocolate!)
2 Second Thoughts(Nice. I remember when Exile was printed... and this is better and common!)
1 Beloved Chaplain(Cannot Be Blocked. Cannot Be Timmed. Cannot be any better than a mana screwed opponent and a Clergy of the Holy Nimbus. They're worth $1. What's this things price gonna be? same as a Turf Bar's.)
1 Dedicated Martyr(I like 'em. so sue me.)
1 Aven Flock(It Flies! Your opponent must give a flock!)
1 Mystic Visionary(He's a 2/1 that wants you to have a ton of cantrips, or a ton of misfortune!)
1 Pianna, Nomad Captain(The flavor of this set is not like any set before it... It's like the Dune novels crossed with the Pit Dragon Trilogy.)
2 Patrol Hound(RE:flavor text. People have been saying "eww." I think that it's cute, and the "eww"ers are perverts. Get ya'lls mind out of the gutter!)

1 Buried Alive
3 Mind Burst(I wish they were bog imps, honestly...)
2 Zombie Assassins(Anti-threshold, for me!)
1 Cabal Inquisitor(are you sure the cc for this wasn't just B in playtesting?)
1 Tainted Pact(uhh... I thought tutors were bad for the game unless they were too buggered expensive or fetched only critters or land...)
1 Afflict(nice-- Help kill a creature, draw a card, AND get threshold faster. NICE!)
1 Gastly Demise(Very good, believe it or not!)
1 Zombie Cannibal(yum.)
1 Dirty Wererat(FREAKY!)
1 Gravedigger(LOL!)
1 Frightcrawler(Well, it won me the games I got it and threshold out...)
1 Childhood horror(ditto Frightcrawler)
1 Dusk Imp(LOL!, and it flies, too!)
1 Repentant Vampire(Hey, Mr. Singir's back, but more "balanced" with a color hoser, and a COP hoser, to boot! for no reason whatsoever, insert "my boyfriends back" theme music and idiotic movie.)

1 Rites of Spring(Discard land, get threshold, thin deck. Is this good?)
1 Verdant Succession(My Serra Avatar Never Dies!)
1 Refresh(Creaturekill/Creaturesave, Helps with threshold, Cantrip. VERY GOOD!)
1 Vivify(Creaturekill, Lightning Bolt, Cantrip, Threshold Help. Good.)
1 Seyton's Desire(never drew it... )
1 Metamorphic Wurm(many people say it's a female, and I think that's disgusting with what they're going on... WOTC wouldn't let that slip into the art, would they? Then again, Thrull Retainer had the biggest cajones ever printed on a Magic card...)
1 Krosan Archer(Pretty good.)
1 Springing Tiger(VERY good)
1 Elephant Ambush(REALLY GOOD!)
1 Cartographer(draw eight wastelands.)
1 Druid Lyrists(I guess the elves died... )
2 Diligent Farmerman(Not as good as yavamia Elder, but he's still a great card! 2 for 1 every time!)
2 Chatter of the Squirrel(VERY NICE 2 for 1!)

1 Bomb Squad(DWAARRRVES! WOOO-HOOO! They're Certainly Dwarves!)
1 Ember Beast(see Rizzo's Starcity report for the revised rules on this guy.)
1 Anarchist(I needed this guy in my Come Back 'Ere! deck.
1 Barbarian Lunatic(LOL @ Flavor Text, doesn't this guy look like one of those guys from Insane Clown Party?)
1 Recoup(new red regrowth, I'm surprised it ain't a rare!)
1 Thermal Blast( Not too bad.)
1 Flame Burst( KINDLE! WOOO! Dwarven Rage! Woo!)
1 Tremble(hmmm... not bad, I guess... NOT!)
1 Demoralize(the finisher ela-grande)
1 Engulfing Flames(HUH? WHY? could't the flashback be 2R at least? if not 1R?)
1 Lava Blister(interesting.)

1 Pulsating Illusion(I think it's a good card, what about you?)
1 Excape Artist(WOw. better than Metathran Soldier in Urza's Block!)
1 Aven Fisher(Look! Another Urza's Block Retread!)
1 Synocopate
2 Immobilizing Ink(I think this works well w/ Quicksilver Dagger, personally... I'm gonna try it out...)
1 Standstill(SWEET!)
2 Words of Wisdom(I've been wanting a card like this for quite a while. I would've costed it just U, though.)
1 Bamboozle(Very cool card. too bad it was a Sorcery.)
1 Laquatus's Creativity(this also should have been a sorcery OR affected all players.)
1 Careful Study(is this a non-broken Frantic Search?)
1 Ęther Burst(I like this one! I think I like 'em all, matter of fact!)
1 Dematerialize(It's pretty... lame. If it was an instant, It'd be o.k. I think. If it was shifted to 1U and 3UU to flashback... It might be better... all in all, a not too good card. But then again... who knows?)
1 Repel (why couldn't THIS have Flashback of 4UU? Huh? Huh??)

And That is my card selection. Blue has a good bit of draw, but only three critters. I think that means, well, it means it's the weakest, so I bid it a fond farewell, and try not to act like a British bench when doing it.

Red has some good stuff, but not really enough to build a deck around it.

White has some possibilities, but its still a little weak on the fat or flyer department.

Green and Black have some really good combinations of fat and flyers, so I guess that's the deck. Here it is in Mana Curve format.


Gastly Demise

Seton's Desire

1 Centaur's Garden
7 Swamps
9 Forests

2 Chatter of the Squirrel
2 Diligent Farmhand
1 Druid Lyrist
1 Zombie Cannibal

1 Frightcrowler

1 Dusk Imp
1 Cartographer

1 Gravedigger
1 Dirty Werecat
1 Childhood Horror
1 Krosan Archer
1 Springing Tiger
1 Elephant Ambush

5 CC
1 Repetant Vampire
1 Metamorphic Wurm
1 Zombie Assassin(Not two. Had to cut somthing.)

Nice? I thought so. I guess you get to see.

In between pairings I went around to the Warroom storefront for some sleeves, and saw somthing I havn't seen in a while! CLEAR deck protectors! YES! I pick up a pack of the rare beauties for $7, $1 cheaper than the red and black back shields. Woo-hoo! I sleve my deck and see Chaos Turtle sitting a few tables over. I go and take a little conversation with me, basically exchanging greetings.

Round 1's up!

Round 1: Andreas Puppa, a nice German gent that was great to play against.

Game 1- a ton of early flyers lets me slap 'em around quite a bit early, but his FAT comes out and I have to trade cards to keep from being crushed in the head. Two turns before the end of the game, at the end of turn, he misses a chance to re-Beast Attack! and knocks me too low for comfort. I fly over the next turn and put him at one. On his turn, he attacks, putting me to one and finishes the game with Volcanic Spray.

Game 2- Two Beat Attacks! and a Seyton's Choice 2/2 smash me into the ground before I get to four mana. I KNEW I should've had more weenies-- but then again, the Beasts began attacking on either turn three or four, so IT WASN'T MY FAULT! That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

Game 3- Sadly, he gets mana screwed with one forest and not much else. I eliminate what creatures he gets with Afflict and a 1 cc Dark Banishing. This, unfortunatly, was the final game of the match, as the judges wouldn't let us play an additional game for some reason or another. Supposedly, Swiss only takes into account three games, and if you draw, you're screwed... Sucks for us. However, I find out later that I'm Mr. Puppa's only draw, and the rest of his games turn to wins, so Congratulations, German Dude!

Round 2:
This round was against a minor, about ten years old. I'm unsure of the laws governing situations of minors in printed internet material, so I'm simply skipping this round. I'll simply say this: watch out for this kid, as he's going to kick some rear when he gets a bit older. He reminded me of Little Parker in his unnerving ability... And Little Parker beat Zvi Moushavits in the team pro tour a year or two ago, thus...
Onto round three.

Round 3:
Ian Port.

I've played Ian casually before, and I believe he's the one who introduced me to Cheapass Games with his copy of Devil Bunny at the Masques Pre-Relese.

Round 1- He stalls on one land and I simply kill him. I hate winning to mana screw. It hurts. Bad.

Round 2- I get mana glutted and loose. Badly. It happens.

Round 3- See Round 2.

I think about the odds of this deck going undefeted for six more rounds, and the possibility of people not doing too well... and I drop for some draft action.

I go and sign up for a draft. While I'm waiting, I hear behind me a guy ask if somone wants to play Five. I ask him "Five Color Magic? 250 Card decks?" He replys "Yea." I ask him "Would you play me?" and his answer is "Sure."

I pull out my five deck I was hoping to play against Mr. Pestilence if he showed up today. I slam it on the table making a satisfactory "smack" and the guy says "This man's ready to play!"

I sit down and ask how to shuffle the deck, as I havn't played the format before. I'm told to do it in chunks. I shuffle a bit less than I should've and ask the guy his name. He tells me "Brian." I reply jokingly "Kibler?" He laughs and says "Yea."

Oh MY! My first game of 5-color magic and I'm going to face off against Brian Kibler, Wakefield Junior himself!...
What an amount of pressure! We start flipping through to get to suitable ante cards and I notice several three-ofs popping up in my deck. That's a bad thing. We both end up with a foil in the ante. I ask if we can put the foils back and play for non-foils, as foil gives me a headache. Mr. Kibler says "sure." with a smile. He flips over my foreign Planar Collapse and I flip over a Savanna. WHOA! I draw my hand and see three mire kavus, a random blue card, three forests and a swamp that makes my kavus bigger. All I need is a mountain. Unfortunatly, a pair of River Boas take me down before I see a non-forest land or green card in my hand, and I'm handily slaughtered. My draft # is called, and I ask if Mr. Kibler would do me the honor of kicking my rear again later. He laughs and says "sure. I'll be here all day." I ask him about what to do about replacing the card I lost in ante, and he says that he doesn't need it and hands it back to me. I ask him to sign it and he says "sure." Sweet! I meet Brian Kibler and get a signed card that ISN'T a Dragon... Too bad he was always playing somone else when I had extra time.

Well, the draft is called, and I go into the room. I open up some packs and see some pretty good stuff. 3/3 flyers that are common are ridiculous! I get SIX of them in my deck, along with several card drawers and Aboshen, Cephalid Emporor. Add to that about eight Cephalids and several "all players draw X cards" and Bamboozle-type cards, I can kill three ways, two of which were legal using my deck. I win my first game against one of Mr. Kibler's friends from Emory first game using a ton of flyers, and second game smacks of unfairness as I get the Emporor tapping his entire army before it attacks, a Wizard untapping my 2-mill Cephalid to grab two cards a turn, and the Windreader's ability helping me draw two cards at once via the Forsight reprint. WOOO-HOOOO!

The second match is against a mono-red player. First games split, as the first game he gets mana screwed and I mess up second game with using my Windreader's ability instead of saving him with Syncopate.

[Vocabulary Lesson]: Syncopation- the technique of shortening words in Latin poetry to make them fit into the hexamiter, e.g. Deorium might become Derium or Deorim to shorten the syllable count /[Vocabulary Lesson]

The third game is a long and drawn out affair that ends with me hitting a Mana Clump and all of my creatures being burnt to winged/tentacled crisps. Three Bird Meat & Two Fish Meat + Bun: Orgg's Deathwinch.

Here ends draft ][.

I go and sign up for another draft just to get the cards, basically. Some other hopes are there as well, such as getting an INSAIN deck like the last one and making it win.

Here Begins Draft ][][, with a pile of horrible cards, attempted salvaging by black removal in the form of 2B -1/-1. Didn't work. My first game of the draft ends with a bit of a rules flub by my opponent. He casts STD, attacks a second time, the says he's flashing it back. He then scoops up his cards. Obviously he thought he had won, me being tapped out completly with one card in hand. I make a big deal and call the judge. Wow. It seems that it would be an easy call, but three of them have to come together to debate what should be done. Finally, he receives a game loss and we get a time coin. While the conference was going, I explain to my opponent that the opponent must KNOW that they're dead before cards get put back and shuffled. He mentions that it's the way he plays back home, and that this was his first tournament. I feel bad that I called the judge, but I'm fearful that I'll not call the judge, somone will see what happened, and say that I didn't do somthing in procedure... Boom. One Year Suspension for "Bohren, Jensen D a.k.a.'The Orgg'." Reason: Noncompliance with DCI floor rules. That would SUCK royally. After the judges complete their debate and the loss is handed out, I shuffle up and make sure mulligans have been decided. I play a land. I concede. He doesn't register it and takes a turn, then I tell him I conceded. He said "thanks, man. that makes it fair." I look through my crappy as 'ell deck and realize that it's hopeless, as the deck SUCKS. After mulligans have been decided, I concede. The guy smiles and says with a big grin "Thanks." After I went looking around the storefront, I was approached by a guy my height(6'6 that looked a bit stern and mad. It seems he heard me rules lawyer'in to make sure I didn't get into trouble. He said that he was going to say exactly what he thought of my rear, but then heard I had given the match to the other guy. He said that was a good way to keep him from trying that $#*+ on other people. I told him that the reason wasn't that, it was to make his knowledge of the rules better, and to make sure somone didn't say I had let him cheat me out of a win and the fact get back to the DCI about it and crush me. We then got into a discussion of how I probably wouldn't, because Mike Long hadn't been suspended for any real amount of time... I argued that Mike Long hasn't done anything since they started dishing out REALLY hard time punishments. Anyway, I was glad to get away from this guy, as he seemed to be the type to get very angry quickly, and he was bigger in muscle mass than I. That scares me, expecially when they're my size... [shiver]

My report could end there, or right after my dinner of cold chicken strips and a quart of Maceroni and Cheese from Winn-Dixi Supermarket(or Grocery Store, as I call 'em).

But it doesn't.

The final booster draft was announced. It was to be held at a toystore in a mall about five minutes away.

Also, the Lavender flight, the Super Special Limited Edition Final Lavender Flight was announced. Everyone would get prizes.

I signed up, as I couldn't get to the Booster Draft without a ride, and would probably miss it anyway.

Here's what I opened that I can remember.

2 Diabolic Tutors.
1 Foil Magnivore
1 Foil Cantivor
1 Non-Foil Cantivor
1 Foil Recoup
1 Foil Mountain(replacing an island, how ironic)
2 Foil not-too-good commons
1 Crystal Quarry
A Pre-Relese Card.

I also got the following, counting my land swaps:

7 Forests
7 Plains
1 Centaur Garden

1 Skycloud Egg(Hey, if your playing one of the colors, why the 'ell not?)
1 Limstone Golem(I needed a 40th card. He was the only choice besides Crystal Quarry or Cantivore. I used All my green and very nearly all my white in this deck.)

Tricks(more than I usually like, but at least one of them effectivly cycles)

1 Kitar's Desire(how come all of these guys desirin' somthing automatically gets somthing? I wanna see Jamie Wakefield go to the Invitational, but just because I desire it doesn't mean it's gonna happen... matter of fact, it probably ain't gonna happen.... But We've all gotta hope it does. chant with me now!! Wake-FIELD WAKE-Field Wake-FIELD WAKE-FIELD!)
1 Shelter(DAEYIM! This card kicks ARSE into the Moon! Insanity at 1W cantrip!!)
1 Muscle Burst(What's wrong with my AAAAarrrmmmm???? What happened to my WRIST? OMYGOD! Moommmyyy!)
1 Moment's Peace(Hey! Another fart card! TWICE! I Love That!)
1 Tatoo Ward(Hey Bevis, you can see his nipple! Heh heh heh... cool!)

2 Dedicated Martyr(I Like Him!)
1 Confessor(supprizingly, he gained me about ten life eventually.)
1 Diligent Farmhand(As I said before, NICE.)

1 Mystic Visionary(o.k. Might be good, eventually.)
2 Patrol Hound(a.k.a. Wuv Muffin)
1 Wild Mongrel(Hey, this DOES teach them to play dead!)

1 Hallowed Healer(W. O. W.)
1 Pilgrim of Justice(Never cast him, but he looks pretty good.)
1 Krosan Avenger(Not bad with the Threshold working.)
1 Leaf Dancer(GAME BREAKER, and Centuar/Horse combination to boot. Ewww...)

1 Krosan Archer(He's a Centaur! Woo!)
1 Nantuko Disciple(SPOOKY! I guess Thelonites still exist.)
1 Graceful Antelope(the SECOND actual Plainswalker printed in Magic. Very Cool. You see through the fogs of the battlefield your oppenent's horny head and say "Prepare to DIE You feral D..." Your oppenent looks at you as it looks at an oncoming train and says "Blaaaaahh!!")

1 Aven Flock(Who gives a flock?)

Crashing Centaur(... BIG, late game, at least...)

First Lavender Round: Rob Gatheim
It's the guy who scares me! To attempt to not be as scared, I TAUNT HIM RELENTLESSLY WITH THE HEAD OF SQUEE!!!! Somhow, it feels hollow...

Game 1-I get an early creature advantage the first game and simply overwhelm him with some good threshing flyers and Leaf Dancer win the game for me.

Game Two- I see no plains, and six white cards stare at me. What do YOU think happened?

Game Three- All I can say is Beast ATTACK! WOOO-HOOOO! If Wakefield previewed this card on the Sideboard, they would've had to drag him out of the same bathroom they dragged Zvi out of when he previewed Fact Or Fiction... (Or not, but I thought it was a funny quip. If it ain't funny, delete this, whomever edits it. start at "if wakefield" In any case, delete this () text.)

Second Lavender Round: Mark Mathews

Game 1: The key play was after a standoff he attacked and left me at two instead of zero. Next turn I gave my Leaf Dancer Pro-enchantments, knocking off the Kitar's of my oppoent and put him at zero. A close game.

Game 2: An early Beast Attack! creates a standoff with creatures. In this match, My Leaf Dancer again was sitting there under the directions of Kitar. y'know, I wonder if Kitar playes the Sitar... The protection:whatever cantrip comes to town and makes my Centaur a beast of an unblockable again, and with it's help, I win on the fith extra turn. A VERY good game.

Third Lavender Round: Brett Swartz
This game was difficult to bear, mainly because I found that my sideboard from my first draft and my sideboard had been taken or mislaid. The first game ended with me on the wrong side of a Lured Stoned Basilisk. The second and third game ended with my concession. I was shooken up by the loss of what I thought was a good haul of stuff, including some of the uncommon and common dwarves and two of the new Kindles. Mr. Swartz was very kind and even helped me look for my mislaid cards. I could've sided in three of the spheres to help me beat him, but it wasn't to be.

I was really upset until a friend of Chaos Turtle's came over and asked if I wanted to do a pack war if he paid for it. I said yes and let him chose his pack, then chose mine. I got a 7th edition pack and had some fun with it. When the next round was starting, CT came over and I got him to take over for me since I had to go to the next round. CT, tell your friend thank you, as his Pack War really helped at that point. It cheered me up enough to take the next match head on.

Final Match, Lavender Flight's Cut to top Four round. I'm in seed four in the top eight If I loose, three packs await me. If I win, six packs are a good friend. I'll win one draft pack at least, so lets go!

Final Round of the Atlanta Saturday Odd PR: Justin Michalows(either ti or ki, can't tell)

My notes have for the first game simply Beast ATTACK!! and ''+Antilope Screw! for the second round... I don't remember this round, as both my opponent and I were, in SOLARinc terms, loopy as all get-out. I'm sure both of us made some boneheaded plays during the game, and they ended with me on top.

I got my six packs and called for a ride home. I picked up Change, The Big Idea, and Renfield from the front of the store, and found the place I'm buying my little sister's next gift from: $6 naked barbies made to dress up like soldiers. Her stuff gets stripped eventually, anyway, so it's not like she'll care it didn't come with clothes...

I wait outside for ten minutes and on the way home my mother runs over a glass bottle and worries that we have a flat all the way home...

The End.

Sic Semper,
-The Orgg

Y'know, it seems that this one wasn't as exciting as some others have been... I guess it's because many of my CPA friends didn't show up like Mr. P, Sammy Dead O or Rabid Kimba...

Oh well. I did get to meet Brian Kibler, though! :{ )

Read More Articles by Jensen Bohren!

 - Thursday (May 17, 2018)
 - Tuesday (Aprl. 24, 2018
 - Monday (Apr. 16, 2018)
 - Friday (Apr. 6, 2018)
 - Wednesday (Apr. 4, 2018)
 - Monday (Apr. 2, 2018)
 - Friday (Mar. 23, 2018)
 - Thursday (Feb. 15, 2018)
 - Thursday (Jan 25, 2018)
 - Wednesday (Jan. 17, 2018)

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