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20-Point Fireball: Guildpact Edition
By Eric Turgeon
Wirewood Channeler and Pemminís Aura together? This can only mean one thing... 20-Point Fireball!

As Iím sure you all know, Guildpact is now on the shelves, so itís time to hit on some Guildpact topics as well as anything else Magic-related that comes to mind.

1) So I heard some elf guy got sued about revealing the Guildpact spoiler. In the two weeks after this news was revealed, every single person who writes about Magic on a regular basis has written an article voicing their opinion on the matter. Am I the only person that really doesn't care?

2) Speaking of getting sued, Iíve decided to sue Anthony Alongi for using the term ď20-point FireballĒ in one of his columns. Doesnít he know I, like, trademarked that or something?

3) To add insult to injury, he goes on to award Rumbling Slum the award for best card title in the set. Donít get me wrong, Rumbling Slum is great, definitely top five material, but the best card title in the set is Godless Shrine. Or at least it is to all us intelligent Magic players that appreciate irony.

4) Where are all the architects and construction workers of Ravnica? The entire continent is supposed to be one giant city. Half the cards in the block serve the express purpose of destroying parts of the city, yet not one even faintly mentions anyone dedicated to rebuilding these parts. Even if the city gets rebuilt through the always-failsafe solution of "magic," you'd still think there would be dedicated wizards who actually need to know where to place trusses and load-bearing beams and all that junk. And don't even get me started on where all the raw materials are coming from. Needless to say, I think that after so many years, Ravnica should have started reverting back to a more natural state.

5) On a similar vein, if Ravnica is one big city then how come Primordial Sage looks like heís in the middle of an open field?

6) Every new rules change should be introduced in an "Un" set just to gauge player reaction. That way, if there's a stupid idea of something that Wizards of the Coast wants changed, it can be corrected before being implemented in the actual game. How funny would it have been to see Curse of the Fire Penguin listed as an Aura and letting the speculation begin long before making the rules change permanent?

7) Chris Romeo at StarCityGames works for Travelers, the company I'm getting my home owners insurance through. Should I be worried?

8) Did anyone else catch the clever Magic reference made by Joey Porter the week before the Super Bowl? He said he wanted to make all the Seahawks "tap out." I didn't even know he played.

9) Speaking of the Super Bowl, what a great game! I'm writing this on Friday, so I actually haven't seen it yet, but man, was it awesome! When the one team scored that touchdown I was all like, "Woooo!" Okay, I'll shut up now.

10) Warning: Shameless Self-Promotional Item. At the beginning of the year, StarCityGames announced a change at the editorial position since Ted Knutson is moving on to In the ďtransitionalĒ article, cowritten by Ted and the incoming editor, Craig Stevenson, both men praise the decision to create premium content as one of the best things the site has ever done. My first thought was that if this move was so great, SCG would eventually be moving all their content to premium. So I wrote up a quick fake news article based on that idea and sent it to the Magic Lampoon, since theyíre sort of the Magic authorities on fake news journalism. Anyone who checks that site regularly will know that the article didnít get published. Iíll be the first to admit that I didnít spend a whole lot of time on the piece (I donít put a lot of effort into something unless I know itís going to be published), but I was still surprised by the response I got back. Doug Buel, who runs the site, said he thought it had potential, but said ďWith just another joke or two, I think perhaps that could push it over the top.Ē Iím a huge fan of the Magic Lampoon, but all their fake news articles contain no more than one joke. Let me know what you think:

All Star City Content to Be Made Premium
It was announced earlier this week that former managing editor for Star City Games, Ted "Theodore" Knutson, would be moving on to a similar position at During his two-year tenure, Knutson oversaw the change of moving much of the site's content into a premium section, available only to those willing to pay a monthly fee.
"I can say without a doubt that the success we have achieved would have been diminished without the move to some sort of pay structure for our articles," Knutson said in his farewell article. He went on to name a successor, Pro Player Craig Stevenson.
Stevenson spoke highly of the changes made by Knutson.
"During his two years at the top, Ted turned Star City from the best Magic site on the Internet into a better Magic Site on the Internet. Obviously, the next logical step in taking Star City to the next level is to make all content on the site premium."
The initial proposal called for moving only the featured writers into the premium section, but Stevenson soon found holes in that plan.
"People would still be able to access the card database, the store, the forums, the contest winners and our advertisements. If we want to be the bestest Magic Site on the Internet, we can't have people virtually stealing all this information from us."
After all content is made premium, Stevenson hopes to get every Magic writer and Pro Player alive to contribute to the site.
"When Rosewater sees that he, too, can write an article and have it published in front of a shiny gold background, he'll make the right decision. Of course, he'll still have to pay if he wants to read it."

11) Congratulations to Magic Arcana for celebrating the 1000th edition of Magic Arcana in the 1000th edition of Magic Arcana!

12) I hear there are a lot of really good Magic players in Germany. I also hear there are a lot of really good Magic players in Japan. Can you imagine how awesome it would be if they joined forces? They could totally rule every Magic tournament!

13) New feature item! Worthless combo of the month. This month's worthless combo is straight out of Guildpact: Witch-Maw Nephilim + spells. The secret to playing this combo is to cast Witch-Maw Nephilim. Once he's in play, cast spells. For each spell you cast, he gets bigger and bigger until he finally gets so big that he gains trample! In order to utilize this effectively, make about 60% of the cards in your deck spells, thus enhancing the chances of pulling off the combo. And don't forget that creatures and artifacts are spells, too.

14) Iím thinking about getting a trade binder since I donít have one yet. Iím going to fill it with all the best and most valuable rares that I own but that Iím not currently using in a deck right now. Then Iím going to show up with it whenever I go to a Magic-related event and let people look through it. No matter what card they want to trade for, Iíll tell them, ďSorry, that oneís not really for trade.Ē In my observations of others, this is how trading is supposed to work.

15) I think if Wizards of the Coast were ever in a position where they were forced to go out of business, they should use all their remaining capital to reprint all the most powerful cards that have been printed in the past or never got printed in the first place. And they should all be common. Just to stick it to everyone who cares.

16) Whatever happened to SeFRo? Or his notepad, for that matter?

17) Every Magic player tries to play mind games with his opponent. Leaving two Islands untapped or extra lands in your hand are common practices to make your opponent play defensively. One mind game that does not work, however, is playing one of the common "karoo" lands from Ravnica, bouncing a basic land to your hand and then keeping that basic land as the only card in your hand to make your opponent think you have an answer. This will not work unless your opponent is an idiot. On second thought, I'm going to have to recommend using this tactic as often as possible.

18) Online Multiplayer Free-For-All Tip of the Month (Special IRL edition): Don't play Magic with jerks. If you're playing a four-person free-for-all and two of your opponents (who call themselves your "friends") think it's funny to Boomerang your ONLY FREAKING LAND three times in a row, feel free to bludgeon them over the head with some heavy object. Nicer opponents will come along.

19) After seeing Bennie Smith's picture at StarCityGames, I firmly believe that on weekends, he puts on a wig and becomes his alter ego: Ron Jeremy. Yo, Bennie, I loved you in The Adventures of Buttgirl and Wonder Wench!

20) Just to end this in as tasteless a manner as possible, I will pose the following question: has there ever been a card printed with a casting cost of XXX? When there is, what should it be called and what should the ability be? I propose Bucket O' Porn, an artifact that comes into play with X smut counters on it. You can remove a smut counter to tap a creature and keep that creature tapped as long as Bucket O' Porn is in play. I still need flavor text, though.

Read More Articles by Eric Turgeon!

 - Thursday (May 17, 2018)
 - Tuesday (Aprl. 24, 2018
 - Monday (Apr. 16, 2018)
 - Friday (Apr. 6, 2018)
 - Wednesday (Apr. 4, 2018)
 - Monday (Apr. 2, 2018)
 - Friday (Mar. 23, 2018)
 - Thursday (Feb. 15, 2018)
 - Thursday (Jan 25, 2018)
 - Wednesday (Jan. 17, 2018)

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