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The Orgg's Treatese on: The Prophecy PR.
By Jensen Bohren
Aaaaa, yes. The quad-monthly set relese for Magic: the addiction. I, the lowly and lofty ORGG must carpe opprotuneium and go to another Pre-relese.

My morning starts off with waiting. I get up at 6:00 eastern time and scrounge through my room-errr... cave for things I want to bring.


  • My infamous sack[goes with my balls](check)

  • Space Station Zemo from Inquest(if space allows)

  • S&M Charizard(goes with my balls)

  • My Balls(never leave home without 'em if I've my cards with me)

  • some of my most fun decks(lets see here...)(check)

  • counters(again, comes with having the balls)

  • a knowledge of Chaos Turtle's real name[Rob Myers](check)

After all this was taken care of I looked to see if there was anything I forgot. my eyes hit my robe and I realized I had been running around my room Stark nekkid for the last hour. I grab my robe and head for my shower, making sure to killing blow 1,2,3 the killer mildew on the faucets(I've gotta clean that thing some year). After a nice, foggy shower, I put on my boxers and Levi's loose fit 44/34 jeans and a copy of the Purple Tales from the Crypt® (® and ™ HBO) shirt with sleeves slit to the body on the undersides w/ seam rippers.

I wake my mother and tell her it's 7:30. "Get ready and wake me up in thirty minutes{yawn}."
I go back to my room and make another glance around and spot my trophy sitting next to my boom-box thingy with Devo's Through being Cool coming out of it and decide it's time to bring out the dead.

at around 8:50 my mother gets up and takes me to the building. I'll spare you the boring details of the drive.

At the hotel- I get to the hotel and spend twenty minutes looking for the tournament. DAMN this place is big! I pity the fool that gets lost here...
I finally find the only non-english speaking worker on the shift and get shown where "cohn ven tens" are held. the poor guy tried to help by giving me a tour instead of showing me his superior. He actually gets me there.
Or at least the line. Luckily for me, theres a couple of guys asleep and a few more comotose guys behind them when the line mooves about twenty feet ahead. I wake them up as I rush past yelling, "Ya Snooze, Ya loose." after a few good conversations in line, I learn that Newwave hasn't transferred the pre-registrations yet. stupid bathtubs...
I pay some mo' money and kiss sunday's fun goodbye.

I waited for the tourney to start while I talked and drank (totally free and quite good tasting)clear complementary liquid. It must have been very low proof because I don't remember anyone seeming drunk at this thing...

Finally they pop up and tell everyone that they had a bit of trouble w/WOTC's program and couldn't get logged into their database for an hour. Any AOLer sympathise with them out there?

Finally all starts. I look where I'm sitting(#69, ha ha snot funny) and where Turtle is(49). I drop by #49 and see a guy wearing a small golden(goldish?)turtle on his neckless that looks like my science teacher(a.k.a. 25-28, natural brown hair w/ paroxide touches at the top and was voted "hottest male teacher" this year at school... ummm that's my science teacher, not Turtle. I guess that prooves all M:tg players arn't ugly as my arse!). we shake hands and wish each other luck. I had no opprotunity to use my secret weapon yet, but it was comming...

I sit down and about ten minuts later recieve a white package. they tell us not to open it. A few minutes later they say "and there will be NO deck swap. This event is a K level 2, and the point value is low. If you open a good foil, BE HAPPY!" only the people who payed attention or had never been to a Newwave PR heard this over the chorus of talk in the room. There was one problem with the talking-- No loudspeaker or microphone. you couldn't hear the guys well.
"Open your envelopes and begin registering."
We open the packs and lo and behold! A pen falls out! along with it three boosters of the new set, a MM starter, and a CLEARLY PRINTED sheet w/ Masques and Prophecy on it with no smudges or anything!, and for every few lucky people, a mint. I was the only one that didn't get one at my table...

we register and build our decks. my Pr. rares are the following:


  • Search for survival
  • Plague Wind
  • Vitalizing Wind(big MOO!)

MM rares

  • Thrashing Woop-ass
  • Rashidan Brigand(bent corner)
  • a severly shreadded security detail(mangled foil, made 76 cards-made me $3)
  • Megatherium

Side note: what cards do you want to get in this sealed?
ans-removal
what removal is there?
ans- Plague wind,Vendetta, Snuff out, Maggot therepy, Steal Stregnth, Thrashing Wumpus
what wins you games?
Fat Creatures, 3/3 or bigger; flyers.

as you can see, Black and green shot out at me as the colors to go with. all I had to do was keep my other woop-ass from humping my leg.

other color's highlights
Blue- stinging barrier, the CS, costal pyracy.
Red-garred's diarreha squad, wild jovial, lungs, flailing soldier w/ two all lands tapped creatures.
White- sergent, three 2cc rebels, disenchant.

as you can see, most of my colors would've made solid choices, but I didn't use any soft colors. Look at this deck and tell me you would have used another combination.

Land
9 swamp
8 forests
1 Rystic cave(first four turns it's good! wow!)
Artifacts
Chimeric Idol(tap out: 3/3 untill eot)
Black
big breakers
Plague Wind
Thrashing Wumpus
Vendetta
Snuff out
Maggot therepy
Steal Stregnth
Soul Strings
Undertaker
not so breaking, but still good
Agent of Shauku
Death Charmer
Rhystic Syphon
Highway Robber
just plain solid
Bog Glider
Deepwood Ghoul
Bog Smugglers

Green
GAMEBREAKERS
Vitalizing Wind
Silverglade Pathfinder(really underrated, TRUST ME!)
Thresher Beast
Humping Woop-ass
Megatherium
Ventara Elephant
Invigorate
Thrive(shiny)
Rushwood Herbalist
just plain good
Vintara Snapper
Pygmy Razorback
:::::::END BROKEN SEALED DECK LIST::::::

Turtle and I compair our decks. He says "wow. this is really good."

Pairings up.

First round: a 12-13 yr. old, played three months
----Duel 1: I draw a hand with both winds, the snapper, royal herbalist, humping woop-ass and two swamps. 18 land. I'll draw one in the first few turns since I'm drawing first.
as cartman says, "Bzzzzzt! WRONG, DUMBASS!"
I draw no other black cards and absolutly NO LANDS! I'm stomped by two coffin puppets.

----Duel 2: I draw a hand with the two winds, Chimeric Idol, Maggot therepy, Thrashing Woop-ass and two forests. duel 1 has an exact mirror image. flipped situation, but roughly the same.

----honor duel: I take ten minuts to shuffle and kick him into the ground with his coffin puppet pair(over and over) with my Megatherum and Landking beast.
(0-1)

***Lunch Break***
I go to the mall connected to the hotel with all the food places you'd want to eat at. I get an uncut wheat bread Meatball sub (12") and devour it while my immature friend Chris Bogavhati(actually Bon-Jhoviallitoolongtomemorizeitaliannameannii) comments that I'm sucking a bloody... nevermind.

Round Two: Chris Bonghiiotiavianni[called to find out how to spell name just now]

He's too buisy drinking milkshakes people didn't finish and begging for unfinished fries at the food court. he doesn't come back for four hours. [theorgg shakes his head sadly]
(1-1)


Round Three: Big guy sitting by the water jugs
----Duel 1: pretty much what happened to me most of the tourney. he gets out a mine bearer and I kill it with a steal streignth and run him over with fat.
----Duel 2: same thing. the deck isn't too entertaining to describe. the key play is when I activate my thrashing wumpus to kill his 1/1 creatures and he uses the R, deal 2 to all damaged creatures in responce. I tell him what it does and he gets pissed. I can say I've done worse, though...
--No Honor Duel--
(2-1)

at this break I challanged Chaos Turtle to a game. he chose Type II and I pulled out my only type II deck since Fallen Empires was still leagle and Necro wouldn't be considered good, but thallads would(lord of the pit, of course!).

But FIRST, I MUST TAUNT HIM RELENTLESSLY WITHT THE HEAD OF SQUEE!!
THAT IS MY LEVERAGE, BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!¤
I guess it wasn't too nice, though.

Failures.
basically red LD with flailing soldier and Flailing Manticors for the kill, with cursed totem backup. Rob(turtle) plays a red/green deck that I see one clear misteak in-he uses both the red and green legacy Man-lands. the red one is far infirior to the green, and unless local decks are hurt by a 2/1 first striker, it's a bit too slow.(just my 2¢, feel free to critisize my decks). Sadly, I kill him with an 11/11 flailing manticor. and a 3/3 [insert korean sticks here]manticor.

Round 4: really big stickler for the rules who threatens to badger me before I TAUNT HIM RELENTLESSLY WHITH THE HEAD OF SQUEE!!
----Duel 1: we both get out some early weenies and face each other down. His mine barror and jumpkicking rebel hold the fort against my snapper, piggy, and Silverglade Pathfinder. after I've cleared all the land out of my deck, our armies were just about the same size, barring three creatures in my favor. however, he had a few with special effects that could kill a few more. I draw a wind. not the one that gives me easy victory, but the green one. I attack. he blocks near perfect, but he blocks my piggy and elephant with */1 creatures. I MOO all my creatures via lonal of the Thundercats's wind and he spends ten minutes deciding how to divide the rystic lightning damage and the acc arc lightning among my attackers.[I now know that it's illegal, but neither of us caught it]. He couldn't solve the puzzle, as his blocking assignments were the key to surviving another turn.
----Duel 2: fifteen minuts in the round and it's announced that another flight is beginning. he concedes and leaves to sign up and take a smoke(Bleeche! nasty habit. glad I don't have it[theorgg takes a big swig of Coke])
(3-1)

between rounds, I challenge Turtle to another game. I choose to play "type fun" as the format(pretty much anything withing your theme, don't go crazy with your freedom). I play fo'give and fo'get. Turtle's report has a good description with it, except that I don't call three people on one side and five behind turtle a small croud. I wonder how many people were behind me... probably not many. I took up half the row with my fat ass...
Turtle's report can be found Here

Round five: a young guy that I'd played before w/very long hair and a 4(1/2)" goatee.
I then preceed to TAUNT HIM WITH THE HEAD OF SQUEE! he sits there stunned and makes a comment about the window of opprotunity for responce being open for a few seconds and then closing without his reaction.

I'm glad I killed squee.
he wasn't too bad roasted. but raw is another story... :^*
----Duel 1: We both stalemate with creatures, my pathfinder shifting through my deck with ease. It looked as if I was dead, creatureless and pitiful when a miricle occured.
I drew Plague winds.
After thanking God for being so good to me, I played it and killed all three creatures he controlled. next turn the 4/4. turn after: Lional's wind Vitalizes my weat beating beast and destroys my opponent.
----Duel... ummm. I just realized we didn't play any more games. He seemed happy with the game and filled out the match sheet with me having won two against him, but I don't think we played but one... oh well.
(4-1)

The pairings for the final round go up! two pages worth. the people w/ two losses drop! NEW pairings go up. People with draws DROP! EVEN NEWER pairings go up. three tables with three matches each. I guess all the winners and one looser are the top ten...
two 5-0, sixteen 4-1, me included

FINAL ROUND: a very nice, attractive young woman. I tell her that if I was a gentleman that I wouldn't TAUNT HER WITH THE HEAD OF SQUEE! after taunting her, squee asks for a kiss on the cheek(the ones he has left). he has to settle for a pinched cheek(same ones, get your mind out of the gutter)
----Duel 1: our creatures slug it out untill one of us gets a creature that the other cannot kill. luckily it was me.
----Duel 2: fat versus fat! small flyer against bigass flyer that could've killed a land! 3/3 sack a land to get flying! I was feeling a little flighty after I lost this one.
----Duel 3: this was an extremly close match. the crucial misteak was when she had the bird that you can sack a land to return it to your hand. she activated it after blocking was declared. I in responce activated the thrashing wumpus that was looking forward to thrashing it. I said"is that o.k.?"
"yes" she replies.
I ask "does the top effect on the stack resolve?"
and her killing reply: "yes."
the bird died, the game goes downhill for her the rest of the game.
afterwards I say this: "sorry. next time you'll know."
to this she nodded.
(5-1)

An extremly enjoyable experience, at least after the mana screwed first round. If I left anything out or forgot somone's play, I apologise. I din't pick up my notepad that was underneath the head of squee in my room...

Immediatly after I signed up for a couple of rare-drafts. I got my prize(or most of it) of 1/3 of a box, short one pack.

Overall, the Warroom did a great job with the tournament organization. they listened to people's suggestions and questions with interest, not disconnection. the judges were fair to all players. two bad things- Judges didn't call out the regular thrity minuts remaining... fifteen, ten, five, three... bla bla bla on time, but it was there first event, so it's forgivable. the second was they shorted me a pack. they were exausted, you could tell that from the looks of their eyes. they probably just miscounted. I'll take it up with them sometime. the'll be understanding, hopfully.


¤ Battlefield Earth reference

__________________________________________
Sic Semper,
The ORGG, a.k.a Jensen Bohren
CPA Member www.casualplayers.org
www.dork.com/theorgg

theorgg@hotmail.com

[Editor's Note to Jensen: Don't use HTML please. Use vB code.]

Read More Articles by Jensen Bohren!

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